If I had a dollar for every time throughout my pregnancy that someone told me to “get your sleep now!” or, “your life is about to change so much, babies are huge responsibilities”, I may be able to pay off my college debt. To make this story short, I received copious amounts of unsolicited guidance. In fact, even though my son is now 15 months old, and I know that each comment is always said with the utmost intentions, this advice has been anything but helpful because I knew my life was going to change, I was 20 going on 21, halfway through college, not married and terrified. I may not have realized how hard it was truly going to be or the amount of sleep I would lose, but here I am, finishing school, working, being a mom, bags under my eyes and all. I’m surviving. With that being said, I wish someone would have told me the ugly truth, so this is for you new mommies out there.

1. There will be days you feel like you are going insane

Of course, the sweet silver lining moments of motherhood are worth mentioning. BUT, when you’re covered in a blowout (this is when the baby’s diaper explodes and poop goes up their back, down their legs, on their face, you get the idea) while dinner is burning in the oven or you’ve spent more than two hours trying to bounce your baby to sleep and absolutely nothing is working and you haven’t showered in five days, minuscule pieces of your sanity begin to drift away in front of you. With that being said, we as mothers need more than the “it’s all worth it” statement. I know it’s all worth it. I love my son with my whole heart; I know he is growing into a little boy that soon won’t need me anymore. I cherish these moments dearly to my heart. I do. But despite all of that, you’ll need to hear that being a mom is hard work, and it is the furthest thing from easy and it sure as hell is OK to cry—which you will, a lot. Sometimes you will cry because your baby hits a milestone and it is bittersweet, and other times because you are overwhelmed because your baby won’t sleep and you just want to take a shower in peace without hearing your baby scream, running out of the shower naked, soaking wet and freezing to check on them just to find them sound asleep. This is a real phenomenon. I have no idea what it is about showering that triggers phantom baby cries, perhaps it is just a maternal thing. Needless to say, it will make you feel even more insane.

2. Say hello to permanent dark circles under your eyes

Let’s be honest: your hubby may have no idea what he’s doing when it comes to a newborn because it doesn’t come as naturally at first, BUT you need a break, and you deserve it! So, with that being said, throw your hair in a mom bun, pour a glass of wine and let hubby take over for a few minutes. Motherhood isn’t all glitter and unicorns. Bedtime sucks and so does naptime, and let’s not forget about sleep regressions — those are pure hell. During a sleep regression, don’t make any plans because you won’t sleep for weeks. I'm being serious. Actually, my son is 15 months old and I haven’t slept a full night through since I was pregnant... 15 months ago. Just don’t count on sleep, I’ll leave it at that, because if your child is anything like mine, they won’t sleep. Ever. You’ll have about ten minutes to rewash a load of laundry for the 6th time, run the dishwasher, wash the bottles, vacuum, pee, attempt to eat your cold dinner and by the time you sit down to “rest” your baby will be staring back at your, ready to play, or crying, whichever comes first. You need to know that you will despise the fatigue that sticks around 24/7 and leaves a trail of bags under your eyes, and you’ll hate the incompetence to modify your schedule because of it.

3. Motherhood doesn’t come with intermissions

You don’t get sick days with motherhood. My fiancé was sick for two weeks and spent the majority of those two weeks resting while I took care of him. It wasn’t much longer before I got sick, and I did not get to rest on the couch like he did. There were diapers to change, mouths to feed, floors to vacuum and laundry to be washed/dried/put away. Some days I ache for a break so bad that it literally hurts. But, that’s another issue, because I’m not ready for my son to go on overnights with his grandparents because I will miss him too much. So for now, there will be no breaks for this tired momma. You can only count on yourself, get used to it.

4. You will miss your old life

All of the things you are thinking and feeling, they are normal. It is OK to miss the life you used to acquire because there will be moments when you will. You will miss the mornings when you got to sleep in until noon and the negligence with which you used to plan your days. However, it is a strange thought, because if given the chance you would never go back to your old life because at the end of the day you’d rather spend a sleepless night taking care of your baby than spend one night without him or her waking you up by kicking you in the face and pulling your hair.

5. Don’t trust anyone who tells you it will get easier

Being told it will get easier is a lie and whoever told you this is a lying liar face. It won’t get easier, because every new stage comes with new challenges and new ways of testing every ounce of patience that you have or for lack of better terms, had. But that is OK, too, it’s normal. Because watching your baby grow is the most beautiful thing you will ever see happen in front of your eyes. Whatever you are feeling, even if it’s charged by the black, dingy and darkest parts of your sleep deprivation, it is totally normal, because you will always be the most-qualified person for the job. There isn’t another woman in the entire world that could be as perfect, awesome, or fun of a mother to your child(ren) as you are. Feel overwhelmed, be sleep deprived, exhausted, fed up and scared. Take in and feel every ounce of parenthood that no one wants to tell or warn you about. Whether you’re on the verge of pulling your hair out because you have no idea what your screaming toddler wants, or you are sending your child to their first sleepover, or teaching them to drive, there is always that pit of concern and worry in your stomach because you are a parent and that’s what parents do, we worry.

6. Despite it all, you will be OK

Remember, you’re OK, and all of these things are OK because one day your baby won’t need you anymore, and you’ll wish that you had these moments back, so cherish them and embrace them because everything is temporary, nothing lasts forever. Hold your babies a little longer and smother them with love and kisses because before you know it, the spot where you once held your newborn tight will hold a squirmy little boy or girl who just wants to play and doesn’t need you to hold them anymore. This is what I wish someone had told me.