We have all had those days where it seems as if people are acting only to fuel our frustration. Other times, they may be behaving in a manner or espousing a belief with which we do not agree. Out of instinct, we are conditioned to react. This reaction, however, is not often constructively communicated. In moments as these, when you feel like offering your unsolicited opinion, here are six steps to remember and consider implementing.
1. Zoom out. Get a glimpse of the picture at large. It is quite likely that whoever has upset us is not intentionally seeking to do so. We must ensure that our vision is not obscured by minuscule, external factors.
2. Shift your paradigm. Committing the fundamental attribution error--for all you psychology people out there--is a far too often occurrence. Our perceptions of people are not always correct; therefore, nothing should be too instantly assumed. Rather than continuing to attribute the cause of other people’s behavior to their character, we should instead more heavily examine and evaluate the possible situational factors. Why are we so quick to excuse our own conduct, when we have just committed the same act that frustrated us 10 minutes earlier? Here are a few points to consider.
- What if the person who just cut us off is in a rush to see a dear family member in the hospital?
- Perhaps the driver who just sped past us 20 mph over the speed limit is late for a critical event or meeting.
- Maybe the person that just bumped into us at the store did not see us-- despite our conception-- and has many things going on that are not externally visible. Perhaps they just received dreadful news.
None of these people are “stupid,” “lazy,” or “inconsiderate.” If we displace our immediate speculations and analyze from a broader perspective, we become much more cognizant, conscious, and sympathetic individuals.
3. Breathe. Close your eyes; take a deep breath; carry on—without judgment.
4. Think: Will their comment/action substantially impact my life? Is it that much of a burden? Will my potential remark build someone up, or break them down? We mustn’t speak, if the words we endeavor to say come from a place of animosity. Plenty of critics exist in the world today. Let us not continue to descend into the abyss of mere deception. Judgment as this will not better the world, but will be another catalyst projecting it deeper into the darkness.
5. Catch the thought before it exits your mouth. If we can seize the thought sooner than it hastily escapes our lips, then we are headed one step in the right direction. We should cognitively label the thought, and decide whether it is one that should be muttered aloud.
6. Remember that we are all souls dwelling inside these impermanent bodies. We are all trying to make it in this often dark and decaying world. Bad days are inevitable. We are all perfectly imperfect. If we save the judgment for God, which is not our job in the first place, I guarantee much weight will be lifted off of us. The moment we stop negligently criticizing others is the very point at which our lives will become about something profoundly greater than ourselves.
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~Mother Teresa
