I’m a 20-something year old college student with aspirations and goals other than getting married someday. I constantly see engagement photos with diamond rings and ultrasounds of babies on my Facebook timeline—and no, I’m not feeling jealous or wishing I had that and no, I’m not going to feel bad about not wanting that life for myself right now.

Just recently actually, I got ‘dumped’ before we were even official because I told a guy that I wasn’t exactly ready for a full-blown committed relationship—it wasn’t never, it was just not right now. And the idea that maybe I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship scared him off so much that he completely ditched me and went crying back to his ex.

At first, I was heartbroken and so confused. I wondered if there was something wrong with me for wanting to focus on myself, and my own happiness before I was able to cater to someone else and their happiness. Then of course, after a couple margaritas with the girls, a long car ride to Boston blasting all my man-hater songs and a couple chocolate therapy sessions with my mom, I realized that there was nothing wrong with me!I wasn’t going to mope around and be upset because I’m confident in myself, I’m independent and I wanted to focus on myself before focusing on someone else.

He was the insecure one, he thought he was ready for a relationship but clearly he wasn’t. How can you expect to be in something serious if you’re not secure enough with yourself?

You can’t rely on someone else for happiness. You have to learn to rely on yourself first. Love yourself and your love for someone else will come naturally.

The point I’m trying to make here is that I’m in my 20’s. I’m allowed to pursue my goals and dreams without having a man by my side. Sure, if the right guy comes along, I won’t shy away from him or push him to the side. But for me, the right guy is someone who can support me through the pursuit of all the dreams and goals I’ve set up for myself.

I have aspirations that aren’t about getting married or having children right now and I’m not going to feel guilty about that. I’m not ready for marriage and especially not for childbirth right now—I’m not bashing those who are. I actually applaud you because sometimes I wonder if it’s just going to be me, my dog and my bottle of red wine for the rest of my life.

Our parents and grandparents grew up in a time when it was weird if a woman didn’t rely on a man for support, if you weren’t married by 30, then hey, you probably never were going to get married or maybe you’re just unlovable. I’m not unlovable and neither are you if you don’t want to rush into things with someone. Here are 6 things I’d rather have than an engagement ring.

A College Degree

I’ve grown up in a broken family where no one has furthered their education past high school. I’m the first to go to college and pursue my career goals. My parents have done well for themselves but I’ve seen them struggle. I’ve seen other people look down on them for not having a college degree. They’ve worked so hard to put me through college and I’m not about to let them down because I’m too distracted with someone or because I found a “rich man who will take care of me.” No, no, that’s not who I am. I want to look back on all my hard work I did in college while I’m CEO of a big company, with my feet up on the desk, looking out of my office window, thinking “damn, I did this all on my own.” I don’t want to rely on anyone nor will I ever. I won't let myself look back someday and think, what if I had done this differently? Or, spend my entire life resenting my partner because I couldn't finish my degree because we had a baby too soon and all my time and attention went towards that. My education means a hell of a lot more to me than some size 7 engagement ring that neither of us can afford anyways.

My Girlfriends

In a relationship, even married couples, lose their friends. They focus a lot on their significant other. Not every person in a relationship does this, but let’s be honest, we all have that one friend who ditches their friends all the time to hang out with their significant other and eventually, they’re so wrapped up in their "SO" that they barely have time for anyone else. I'd rather get all my craziness and partying out while I'm still young and in my 20's than when I'm 30-something and married with children.

I’d rather have those crazy group texts and those crazy nights out screaming “Single Saturdays,” or spontaneous trips to Salem with the girls, than be cooped up in bed on a Friday night, binge-watching Stranger Things on Netflix—but don’t get me wrong, I definitely did binge watch the entire season of Stranger Things in two days.

Travel Experience

Traveling with your "SO" is probably amazing. But there’s nothing like backpacking through Europe with your siblings or lifelong best friend or hey, maybe you’ll take a trip by yourself. Before I let someone “put a ring on it,” I want to have experienced things that I might not have if I had the responsibilities of taking care of a child or planning a wedding. I want to try frog legs and cliff jump from the highest point in Mexico. I want to learn another language and kiss a stranger under the Eiffel Tower—and why is there anything wrong with that? I want to drive halfway across the country and have an unforgettable weekend in Vegas with all my closest friends. I want to pay $80 for the worst Spirit Airline to Daytona for Spring Break before I decide to settle down.

What if someday I decide I want to move away from everything back home and pick up somewhere across the country, or maybe even in another country entirely? I don't want to worry about leaving my "SO" behind. I want to experience things on my own first and then when we're ready, experience things together, as a couple.

Material Things

Instead of spending thousands of dollars on an engagement ring, I’d rather have season tickets to the Patriots or Bruins. I’d rather have a room full of puppies than an engagement ring. I’d rather have an old, vintage Chanel bag. I’d rather spend that money on my student loans than have a shiny, token of affection weighing down on my finger. Let me buy those Prada heels I’ve been eyeing since I saw them in a magazine years ago. Instead of an engagement ring, I’d rather trade in my piece of junk, beat up, worn down Hyundai Santa Fe for a new, shiny car instead. There’s just so many other things I’d rather spend money on than a diamond ring—and call me crazy for that. Once I'm married or having children, most of my money is going to go towards that.. and bills.. and other boring adult things that I'm just not ready to deal with yet.

My Independence

I’m not saying that when you’re in a relationship that you lose your independence but things become less of “me” and more of “we.” I like being able to sleep in until 3 pm on the weekends and not have someone worrying about where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing. I want to be able to just go to Boston to visit my bestie and not worry if my "SO" is going to be upset because I’m missing family dinner on Sunday at his parent’s. I want to book a spontaneous trip to Bali with my friends and not have to defend why I didn’t invite him. I don’t like worrying about someone else all the time and what they’re doing or answering a vicious cycle of texts when I don’t respond for an hour while I’m out and about. It’s the fact that I can just do whatever I want, whenever I want and I don’t have to consider someone else in the process. Call me selfish, but I’m young and I want to live my life to the fullest while I still can.

My Own Happiness

People are so in love with the idea of love that it consumes them. I know way too many serial daters and people who are afraid to be alone and people who don’t know how to function without having someone in their life. People rely on their "SO" for happiness, for me, I rely on my morning coffee and my Chihuahua’s kisses for happiness. In my Philosophy class, the professor asked us to think about the question, “What is the life worth living?” Well for me, the living worth living is one where I’m successful, I’m healthy, my family is healthy, I’m happy and I feel accomplished at the end of the day—knowing that I’ve done all I can to be who I am today. The life worth living for me, is a life where I can look in the mirror and feel happy and proud of the person I am. My own happiness does not rely with anyone else, it’s how I feel about ME. And hey, if someone comes along who can only add to the amount of happiness I’m already feeling, then there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll let them in. But I’ll tell you what, I won’t rely on them to make me happy because happiness comes from within. And you’ll never be happy with someone else until you’re happy with yourself.

Call me bitter, call me selfish, call me whatever you wish, but there are many other things I’d rather have than an engagement ring. People always say “work in your 20’s, build in your 30’s and relax in your 40’s” and I don’t think that’s a bad motto to live by.

I’m not unhappy or unsupportive of people in their 20’s getting engaged and having babies, but that’s just not the lifestyle for me. It’s not right to shame me for not wanting a serious relationship right away or thinking negatively of me because I would rather work on myself than work on a relationship with someone else.

I’m sure the time will come when I’ll be ready for a serious commitment and maybe even a Princess cut Tiffany ring someday, but for now, focusing on my own success and independence is what makes me happy and I’ve come to the realization that it’s okay. And it’s okay if you feel the same way too. Independence is sexy so wear it proud and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.