This weekend I had the horrid experience of contributing to human evolution. I had my wisdom teeth removed. In expectation, I asked everyone I could about their experiences. How they felt, how they were treated, etc. And yet, I found some drastic surprises none-the-less with my procedure. So here are the things no one tells you about having your wisdom teeth out.
1. It is going to feel like someone broke your jaw.
I knew that my teeth would hurt. What I didn't realize was that my whole jaw and side of my face would KILL. All the way up to my chin. The pain was 10,000 times more than I ever imagined for such a simple procedure.
2. How ugly and swollen you are going to look.
I look ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. I did not realize how closely I was going to be able to resemble these adorable chipmunk characters.
3. How depressing it is to take pain medication without sleeping.
All I want to do is sleep. And I will nod off for a half hour, 45 minutes at a time, and yet then I will wake up. And I'll still feel tired, and stiff and like not really myself. And yet I can't sleep so all I can do is sit there and watch TV and watch my life waste away.
4. How depressing it is to do nothing all day.
I've watched my favorite shows, but I can't laugh at them because it hurts too much so I basically just emotionally stare at Loreali making a witty comment. Never mind that but now with social media you can see everyone else out and about having fun in the sun. Living it up. And meanwhile you're just lying there half dead, dropping not so subtle hints to friends to come hang out with you.
5. How you expect all your friends/family to be.
What it's actually like:
Everyone told me about how their parents who waited on them hand and foot and how they had all their friends bring them ice cream. And don't get me wrong, my dad made me some awesome butternut squash soup and my boyfriend brought me ice cream. But that didn't stop me from feeling horribly alone while I was lying in bed all by myself all day.
6. How you can't actually eat anything:
You expect to be able to just sit around and eat mac and cheese and ice cream all day. But you really can't. Or at least I can't. I can barely open my jaw wide enough to fit a spoon and when I can, it isn't fun ice cream. It's vanilla ice cream. It's not the great feast of junk food I imagined. It's just painful and pathetic.
Unfortunately most of us will experience this at some point in our lives. And if you ask me, right now, 24 hours after having it done, it really isn't as relaxing as you think it'll be. It's more exhausting than anything else.
