Pokémon Go has quickly taken the United States by storm. In less than a month, the app has racked up over 75 million downloads, and that number steadily increases everyday. I find this incredibly unnerving.

Perhaps most are reluctant to speak out against the game and its heinous offenses for fear of peer ridicule. Not I.

Here are 6 of the most abhorrent transgressions weaved within the fabrics of Pokémon Go:

1. There are alarmingly familiar themes to dog fighting and other nefarious blood sports.

Just what we needed in this godforsaken country: a free and easy way to help bring out the Michael Vick in all of us.

Why aren't more people talking about this?

2. Most Dangerous Game of the Century?

One night last week I decided to visit a nearby PokéStop on my way home from work. After collecting a few items, a wild RATTATA appeared! I stood on the corner under a streetlight as I flicked my balls toward the beast. That's when I noticed two young males approaching from a few blocks away. They both wore hoodies and baggy pants, and one of them had his hand in his sweatshirt pocket. Unsure of what he was holding on to, my instincts kicked in. I quickly ducked behind a nearby trash receptacle. My heart began to race as they came closer. Suddenly they were right in front of where I had been hiding, and I held my breath. Had they seen me? There was no way to be sure. My adrenaline pumping, I popped out from behind the dumpster and jumped them both. Everything went smoothly and as planned. I took their phones, some cash, and a single sneaker, just for the hell of it. This app routinely places unassuming people into dangerous situations, and it has encouraged a new breed of criminal.

Pictured above is my haul from that night. Looking for a carefree evening activity? Swing by your friendly neighborhood PokéStop after sundown. I'll be waiting.

3. Some Pokémon are impractical to catch.

You can find water Pokémon near water. Ghost Pokémon slink around at night. Looking for grass Pokemon? Try the woods behind that creepy guy's house. Sure, Pokémon Go's use of real world attributes is cool, until you realize you'd have to get yourself to a friggin' quarry if you ever want to have a chance of catching a Geodude. That does not sound like a blast. Well actually, it does. Several blasts. Hundreds of blasts.

Because it's a quarry, where they do blast mining.

4. Inherently Unfair/Marginalizing to Some Members of Society

The gym closest to my house is 3.2 miles away. I'd love to be able to participate in whatever activities go on there, but here's the thing: Anything over 10 blocks away is out of the effective range of my walking abilities, and I can't drive. I don't have a license. Why not? Well I don't think that's any of your effing business, pal. So how about before you go on and on telling me about all the Pokémon you caught two towns over from me, you check your goddamn privilege.

Non-drivers still exist in this country, and we are sick and tired of being forgotten about. Open your eyes.

5. Zero Trigger Warnings.

I expect a certain level of courtesy from every application I download onto my phone. I presume respect, in the form of concern and consideration for my experience and personal well-being. Which is why I never expected to have a [TRIGGER WARNING: phocidaphobiacs] seal-inspired cartoon monster mosey on into my environment without any warning whatsoever. Since I was a youngster, the very thought of the sea's most obscene mammal has crippled me, and shaken me to my very core.

Those wispy whiskers. That wet, rubbery skin. The stuff of garish nightmares.

And yet, Pokémon Go cares none at all.

I was brutally informed of this unfortunate truth the day I trusted Pokémon Go with my welfare. I was thrust from an enjoyable stroll out on the beach into a state of intense and uncontrollable panic. Involuntarily I dropped to my knees and curled into a ball. I have yet to move or speak aloud. Its been four days. My family does not know where I am. Somebody please send help.

6. Bad news for people with bad joints

My knees crack more than a plumber's cheeks while he's fixing a leaky faucet. My ankles, weaker than a newborn's immune system. So what's a guy to do? This is a hand heldvideo game. I should be able to hatch an egg while I'm laying one, if you're smellin' what I'm steppin' in . I've successfully avoided 5k's for 19 years of my life, and that's not about to change.

Disenfranchising Mr. and Mrs. Klaus. REAL smart. Enjoy your coal this year, NIANTIC blockheads.