They say that Rome wasn't built in a day. Well, that perfectly applies to becoming friends with your ex as well.
In fact, it may take what feels like a lifetime before you can finally act normal around them and get over that weird eye twitch every time they look at you.
Don't worry, I've got good news for you - becoming friends with your ex is possible. Here are the six stages you will go through in order to achieve it.
1. Incessant social media stalking
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Breaking up.with someone initially means cutting off all contact, which can make you feel super lonely.
My ex and I used to text all the time, and after the breakup my phone.went deadly silent. It felt like I had lost my best friend.
Instead of being mature about it and keeping a little distance until emotions settle,.I dove head-first into stalking his Facebook, insta and even his LinkedIn. Yes, LinkedIn.
I wanted to feel like I was still a part of his life, when this really wasn't the case.
2. Hating on their new bae
This one is perhaps the most self-destructive phase.
Sooner or later, one of you guys gets another partner. If it's your ex, this will drive you insane, as you are still in the social media stalking phase, remember?
You will cry over their new relationship and find a million flaws in their new bae: "why the f does she wear her hair like that, she's such an emo!" Or "it's spelled 'you're,' you dumb bimbo."
Unfortunately, none of this hate will make you feel better,.but only drag you deeper down into misery. This brings us to stage three.
3. Completely banning their existence from your thoughts
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You will try anything to forget your ex ever existed. Yes, even hypnotherapy. (It doesn't work by the way, save your money).
The logic here is that if you ban thoughts of them from entering your mind,.the pain will stop. Well, it won't.
Trying to forget your ex's existence creates unnecessary resistance and wastes your valuable energy.
Instead of going against the grain,.you should accept the situation. Meditate on it. Don't resist the fact that your ex is out there in the world, just accept that fact and choose to focus.on something else instead.
4. Missing them like crazy
By now,.you're probably standing in the rain listening to Charlie Puth's "We don't talk anymore" and sobbing.
Since your ex was most likely one of your closest friends, you will inevitably miss them.
Your other friends won't understand the inside jokes, won't know how you like your coffee and won't secretly watch The Kardashians with you.
It's perfectly normal and acceptable to miss your ex. This is the first step towards establishing a friendship with them, so don't feel bad.
5. Wanting them back
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Beware of this one.
Some months post-breakup, I used to desperately google "how to win your ex back," believing that these strategies would bring them back into my life and make the mystery of missing them disappear.
You have to make a clear distinction in this stage - do you miss the love of your ex or their company? I.e. do you want to have sex with them or do you miss the conversations? Very often, it's the latter, but people just pass it off as missing the whole thing. That's where you get in trouble.
Recognize what it is about your ex that.you miss. This will help you build a friendship from the ashes of the breakup.
6. Moving on and becoming friends
After admitting to yourself why you miss your ex,.you can finally reach out to them.
About a year after a bitter breakup, I messaged my ex and.told him that I missed our talks and his company. He was dating someone else, but that wasn't a problem, because.I had acknowledged that what I missed was his company, not his romantic love.
He felt the same way, and we are now very good friends.
Breakups are painful and take time to recover from. Allow yourself this time and take it easy through the six stages. Be true about your feelings and you'll be in the clear sooner than you know it.
