Throughout my almost 19 years, you'd be surprised just how many toxic friends, boyfriends and family situations that I have dealt with. I have found a common thread that pops up amongst them all. I define people as being toxic according to these six important signs. If you are dealing with somebody who is showing all of these signs, you might consider either having a long talk and attempting to fix what could be mended, or going off in a search for better. I personally do not believe that anybody should accept to be treated the way I was treated.
Even if said person states that they do not want to go when invited, they'll inevitably become outraged to find Snapchats on your story of you having a good time without them. I understand sometimes there can be a little jealousy or regrets of not going along, but it is unfair for your friend/partner to explode on you because you're still having fun. Also, if anybody other than a respected elder tries to tell you that you're not allowed to got to the movies, sleepover or best friend's house, run. You should never allow any human being to suppress your life experience.
And I do not mean sarcastic comments or petty nit-picking. I'm talking about full-blown rage over not texting back within 30 minutes because you were taking a shower. If you have to explain yourself for changing your profile picture to you and your sister from a picture of you and your boo or bffl Jill, something's not right. Don't try and excuse ALL of the actions because this person is insecure, because honestly, most everybody is. If they threaten to leave, stop being your girl/boy friend, or threaten to take their life because of these things, again, RUN. And don't look back either because you deserve much better.
3. Suggestions are never "suggesting"
What I mean is simple, if they're low key suggesting anything, you know you HAVE to do it unless you want to argue over it. That's always the case, too. You either follow their every example, or it is straight to battle. There is never any talking things over. Your partner/friend never just TELLS you that something you do upsets them; instead, they wait until you accomplish upsetting them and freak out. Maybe you tried asking them to just speak up and communicate about the things upsetting them. Maybe that ended in more screaming and tears. Communication is so important, no matter what the relationship is defined as. So, if this person cannot seem to handle the work that goes into fixing what's broken, it just might be time to drop that dead weight.
This sign is a little trickier to spot sometimes because if this person is truly toxic, they'll most likely refuse to admit to having rules. Let me start by saying there is a fine line between having boundaries and having rules, in my opinion. Every relationship, I don't care who you are, has boundaries. Some are common, like, "Don't cheat." Others are more personal such as, "Don't touch my tummy fat!" Either way, these are usually outspoken and agreed to abide by both people involved. If you ignore these boundaries, someone is bound to be fairly upset. However, rules created by a toxic person are underlying. They're strange, and sometimes not even mentioned. Such as, "You're not allowed to like Jane Doe's Instagram picture of her dog." Or even something ridiculous like, "It is forbidden to speak to the opposite sex without holding my hand the entire duration." Again, I urge you to not let everything surpass due to this person being insecure. It will only become worse if allowed.
I mentioned this lightly earlier, but if someone is consistently threatening to leave because you didn't accomplish something the way this person would have preferred, this is a sign that shouldn't be ignored. Real love is patient and understanding. True love is not control of every situation. Whether this is a friend who doesn't trust you or your partner, you cannot have a healthy relationship without having a certain degree of trust. If there are constant threats of leaving, let them leave. If this person "pretends" to not care about you all the time, believe them.
After 6 months of constantly being put down by this person, you've decided you have had enough. You're through with the fights, tears, anger, and hurt. The energy you're placing into this relationship is never enough; in fact, seemingly nothing you do is enough in your friend/partner's eyes. So you're done. You decide to even be mature and tell them this to their face, because they deserve that. Everyone deserves closure. You regret the decision as soon as the words leave your mouth because they're going berserk. Why are they screaming so loudly? You're in a public place. Now they are throwing their fries at you, cool. Now you realize a normal conversation was never possible when you guys were on "good" terms, so you're asking yourself why you thought this was a smart idea in the first place. So you both go your separate ways. A sense of relief, but also fear. You don't know what this person is capable of. Thus begins low key statuses on Facebook towards you. Oh, maybe not so low key because there's your name. Deleted. Blocked. Gone, right? Try again. Because you spent so much time with this person, they know you. They start showing up to all of your favorite places, even though they always complained about coming along with. Well, your favorite places are now ruined with glares across the room and loud comments made about you. Guess you're done going there. More relief. Finally, you're done, right? Wrong. Now that this person can't seem to find you in person, they decide to start harassing you via texts/mutual friends. It gets to the point you're scared to leave the house. Well I'm telling you to not be. Ignore all of the texts and the friends that turn their backs on you. Go to your favorite places, or find new ones. Quit letting your toxic ex-friend/partner control your life. You are bigger than the comments, glares, and drama.
The process of dropping contact with someone toxic is draining. Leaving someone who hurt you repeatedly is extremely confusing and painful too. The entire time you spent loving every piece of them, was for seemingly nothing. But that's exactly where the beauty comes into play. It might hurt to leave someone who was vital to your everyday, but you move on. I promise, it happens. Maybe not the day after, maybe not three months later, but it does happen. As long as you stay strict to keeping them away from your personal affiliations, you will move forward in life. You will find that best friend who will love you entirely for just being you. You will find your future forever. Just remember to heal first, because you never want to be the toxic person in anyone else's life.
