Let's be real here, being a girl sucks. And no, before you ask, this isn't one of those normal feminist articles. I'm not going to yell at men with an Odyssey Article because they don't give me what I think I deserve when I nagged my boyfriend into doing the dishes earlier so I didn't have to do it. Not because my nails were wet, or my period is bad, just because I'm lazy. No, that isn't what this is at all. I'm just going to tell you six reasons why being a girl actually sucks. Trust me. You'll wanna hear this.
1. Vaginas.
That's right. I said it, the word that makes people uncomfortable and makes the world go round. Having the organ that literally grows other humans is such a burden.
2. We know where everything is.
How many times have you called your mom to ask her how to cook something, or knew the second she walked in the room she would find what you just spent 40 minutes looking for? Yeah, all females have to learn this skill in our secret female class. What a pain.
3. Make up.
We're creative enough to paint on our faces every single morning before work or school and make ourselves look however we want. We do it for ourselves, but men think we do it for them. Like why even spend my time being that talented at something?
4. Dresses.
The fact that this piece of clothing doesn't include pants. Honestly... why would I dare wear that?
5. Having long hair.
Shampooing, conditioning, brushing, curling, straightening, braiding, throwing it into a bun-- and thats just once a day. Taking care of long hair is so hard, and we just do it because we like the way it sways in the wind, or the smell of coconuts following us around all day. Wish we could just get buzz cuts.
6. Having jobs.
Why wouldn't I want to be a stay at home mom? Why would I want to have children, then go back to work? Why wouldn't I want to just take care of a house and the kids and let my husband do all the work and make all the money for me so I can do nothing? Why would I want to be independent? Hell no, don't know why those woman in the history books fought for woman's rights. I'd rather watch Netflix all day.
7. We get free stuff.
We know how to get a free drink at the bar, or that making ourselves cry will get us out of a speeding ticket, or that we can use our period as an excuse for being late to class. But it sucks that we have this power over the male population.
8. We can't just have one "style."
Like males, who have very distinct styles that they tend to stick too, females can go from sweatpants and a hoodie, to a crop top and high waisted jeans, to a t-shirt and work boots, to high heels and a pencil skirt and not get strange looks. It's so hard to dress in the morning, because I have to dress how I'm feeling, rather than just throw the first two things on that I see.
9. Stereotypes.
Remember the white girl stereotype? With our comfy ugg boots and delicious starbucks and or beautiful white iPhones? I don't get strange looks when I order the pink drink from starbucks, because it's almost expected of me. Its not uncommon for girls to have glittery nail polish, and that disney princess phone case will definitely get some compliments. Totally sucks that I can do what I want and not be judged for it.
10. Not having to wear ties.
Because to be honest, I really just want to have to wear one of those stiff feeling dress shirts with a piece of fabric tightly tied around the collar, all the way up to my neck. Being able to show my cleavage is just so old.
This whole thing was a satire. Being a female is the bomb.com, and truly, you should be jealous if you're not. Things like the pay gap, not being able to lift that refrigerator into the truck alone and crying because our cramps hurt so bad might be a thing, but guess what. You couldn't live without us, because if woman disappeared, you wouldn't be able to reproduce... let alone find your favorite collared shirt.
So, who run the world?
