The first time I heard of courting I was fifteen years old and in a committed dating relationship. My mom gave me a stuffy old book about the evils of dating and the glorious creation that was courting. In my mom's defense she hadn't actually read the book and wasn't at all endorsing what it said, but after the first few pages I wanted to throw it into the toilet. The man writing the book had the most obnoxious holier-than-thou attitude and the entire book was so obviously biased. I mean, if you are going to present a foreign concept such as courting at least go easy on the people who still believe in dating. Anyway, I closed the book in my fifteenth year and didn't open it again until my nineteenth year. Hoping to have fresh eyes now that I was no longer an angst filled high schooler, I read the book again and found myself again angered by this concept of courting. Then I realized, if someone just presented this in a way that wasn't so prude-ish, maybe I would actually enjoy courting. So here it is, six of the main parts to courtship and why you should at least consider it.
1. Women are worth the pursuit.
Most women don't like to be cat-called on the street or labeled as "hot" on a social media forum. Generally speaking, women like to be wooed. In a traditional courting relationship the man pursues the woman, sometimes even approaching both sets of parents for permission before the first date. For some women this is very appealing, but if you are someone who prefers an equal opportunity approach, maybe start by letting the man hold the door for you or pay for a few dates.
2. There's fun in the chase.
Courting is about taking a slower approach. Instead of going on exclusive dates right way, courting encourages group activities before private time. Maybe you go on a day trip with their family or get coffee with friends. This way you get to know the person in their everyday life. You have the opportunity to stand in their shoes and observe what they enjoy and what annoys them and how they treat people.
3. In person communication leaves less room for miscommunication.
Communication is a big deal in any relationship, but courting tries to cut back on the time spent texting/internet communicating. Talking to someone face to face is vulnerable and can tend to be awkward; however, it is your best bet for getting your point across. It's not the easy way, but it definitely produces better communication and mutual respect for one another's opinions. I have had disastrous things happen over text, completely unintentional of course, but things can very quickly get out of hand and you end up being sucked into a argument that wasn't intended at all.
4. It's ideal for people who are looking for a long-term commitment, but don't want to date twenty people.
One of the biggest differences between courting and dating is that people date for various reasons, but people court with the intent to marry. And no, I'm not saying that you have to marry the first person you court. I'm saying that for both people in the relationship, the overarching purpose is to see if you might like to marry that person. There is a mutual sense of purpose so much so that the "what are we" conversation might even come up on the first date.
5. Is it a relationship if we aren't super physical?
Yes. The answer is yes. Not all, but a majority of people who court choose to wait until their wedding night to have sex. And no, this is not always for religious reasons. Traditional dating puts a large emphasis on finding someone with whom you are sexually compatible and then committing, while courting focuses on committing to marriage and then discovering how to be sexually compatible. Disclaimer--this doesn't always happen immediately. As for other physical contact, many courting couples keep communication open about what is appropriate and when.
6. A strong relationship is built on a good foundation.
Courting emphasizes friendship before exclusive relationship. This gives couples a good foundation to begin their relationship. You already know each other fairly well, you know that you enjoy their company and have similar interests. There is a mutual respect and trust built through the friendship that will help immensely as a couple moves into a more serious courtship.
Courting may still sound antiquated and frumpy, but I think if you look at its roots you will see the value in focusing on friendship and commitment. Courting may not be "normal" in this day and age, but it may just be a good alternative to traditional dating.
