Cargo shorts: the bane of our existence. Amongst millennials, this unfortunate clothing item is often a topic of conversation backed by strong opinions. There tends to be no middle ground—either you love them or you hate them. Cargo shorts are often seen as a middle school fashion fad or something that dads find useful with all of the pockets. I was inspired to write this article by a few of my guy friends who are in college and still wear these hapless shorts. To them, I say: read this with the utmost optimism, light-heartedness and perhaps take the hint.
1. Unless you iron them, the pockets are always out of whack.
Let’s be honest, how much time do you spend ironing your clothes? Cargo shorts make you look like you’re 14 and just rolled out of bed for middle school homeroom.
2. What could be hidden in all of those pockets?
Can you even trust someone that has cargo shorts — let alone full pockets? It looks creepy, makes you wonder, and the weirdest thing is you can’t even tell when the pockets are full or not. Sometimes they’re just puffy.
3. Guys have told me it is too easy to misplace things when wearing cargo shorts.
I really don’t agree. You have pockets all over your body. How can you lose things that are literally within arms reach?
4. Airport Security.
Don’t make me late for my fight. Especially if you’ve got loose change in every pocket, including the double-external-snap-button pockets. Get a wallet. Or a murse. Can you imagine waiting for someone to empty their pockets with all of this stuff?
5. Cargo pants.
These are just an extension of how awful cargo shorts are, even if they are styled decently.
6. For a more detailed explanation, my good friend Owen Kane stated:
“Fashion is meant to redistribute the ‘weight’ of the outfit towards a desired figure. For men that typically means straight lines accentuating high and adding weight to the chest and shoulders. Cargo shorts break the natural silhouette by adding weight to the bottom half of the outfit. This makes even the most athletic, broad shouldered men look frumpy, for lack of a better word. If you compare these pictures of Channing Tatum, you’ll notice that the well tailored suit accentuates his shoulders, while the cargo shorts make them look average in comparison.”
Just look. Is there evena question to which is more attractive?