Every time I return home from college, I always have this blissful dream that I can relax. That I’ll see family and old friends and be so excited to talk to them. Then somehow I end up at some family event I didn’t want to go to being asked the same annoying questions over and over. So, for all adults out there, do not ( I repeat do not) ask returning college students these questions. They may bite back.

1. How are your grades? Now don’t get me wrong, I totally get that as a student grades are the most important thing. It’s kinda invasive to ask. It’s sort of like the new kid at your job asking you how much you make. It’s not a secret but then again, it’s not exactly any of their business either.
2. Did you gain weight? Probably. I never learned how to cook and spend a majority of my days crying over textbooks while stuffing ramen and hot Cheetos down my throat. So yes, I have gained weight. Thank you for pointing that out.
3. Are you dating? No, or at least that’s what I’m going to tell you. Unless the relationship is serious I am not going to disclose any information with you. It’s weird. Seriously. And if there is no one in the picture, you are simply reminding me of the wonderful fact that I am a 20-something that isn’t in a relationship. As if I am not reminded of that every single day.
4. What happened to your friend ___? Don’t know. Don’t care. You have Facebook and I know you’re creeping on me every chance you get. If you haven’t seen so called “friend” in a picture with me in over five months, just assume the worst.
5. What are your plans for after college? Don’t know. I’m still in college. This is the part where I figure that stuff all out. Don’t rush me.
6. Is your major really going to get you a job? I am in college so I’m going to hope that the answer is yes. For all of those adults asking this question with their noses in the air because the student being asked has a major that isn’t to your desire, then screw off. Life is hard enough as it is. We are all just trying to figure it all out and we’d appreciate if we could do that without any of your criticism or unwarranted opinions.

Now these are only the main questions to stay away from at varying family events. Other comments include “You should really start working out” and “Your cousin Leah just made Dean’s List and got a new scholarship. You should try to be like her.” All of these will inevitably make us angry. You have been warned.