College is a wonderful experience. Nothing grows you as a person like heading out on your own, learning to be responsible, taking some of the hardest classes of your life, and conquering feelings of crippling defeat while in the most emotionally unstable period of a human life. There are a ton of positive things to be said about the college student. Winter break is looming around the corner, holiday weather is here, and we've got a lot of problems; let's address them.
1. Socializing
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People are cool; I am nice. I am funny. I am socially awkward. This isn't working; I should just go back to my room and do homework. Next thing you know, homework turned into a Netflix party with more friends than I thought I had. It's fine; I'm not confused at all. Socializing is difficult. Finding a social balance is the different between surviving, enjoying, and succeeding in college.
2. Eating
My exam is tomorrow and I haven't studied at all or slept in the past three days. Solution: pizza, m&ms, and Vanilla Coke. I don't care if you're the stick figure or the guy who considers himself the elephant in the room, we all have an eating problem in college. I'm pretty my sugar intake alone should have killed me and I have no clue what my calorie intake looks like because it's all cafeteria food, left-overs, and fast-food....I'll work out next week, right?
3. School
I know I signed up to pay you for four more years of rigorous education, but why are you assigning me homework on Friday for the weekend when I have a test on Monday?
Education isn't all bad. I love most of my classes, but every professor does something to set my life on fire. It's fine though, really. Crippling stress, exponential student debt, and declining personal health are worth pleasing expectant parents and getting a degree.
4. Bathing
There are two types of college students: those who never bathe and those who bathe as an excuse to skip class, miss social events, and avoid seeing sunlight. No matter what, our bathrooms look like war zones so it's a lose-lose situation.
5. Dating
Step 1: Approach crush casually with idea of going out together.
Step 2: Abandon approach because you'll only make it weird and awkward.
Step 3: Forget you ever had a crush and move on.
Step 4: Ignore obvious signals from ex-crush.
Step 5: Embarrass yourself with new person.
Step 6: Change your name and move to Peru.
6. Adulting
Midlife Crisis here I come!! At least I'll have a house, job experience, and a family...that might be better than having $0.02 to my name and no friends?
College is a beautiful experience. It can be rough, but we'll survive.
The next time we fall off the toilet, we'll land on two feet.
