Sean Helmer is a recent graduate of the University of Colorado where he studied International Relations. This essay is his response to Donald Trump's "grab her by the pussy" audio leak and the media reactions after it.

Before I get to the point of this essay, let me preface my comments by saying this entire presidential election cycle has been one huge headache for me. I have always been a “Never Trumper” simply because I hate the way he treats people that either opposed him or came from different backgrounds than him. As for Hillary, her shady handling of the State Department and ties to Wall Street bothers me. I don’t mean for this essay to come across as an another politically charged piece slamming one of the candidates. Things that both these candidates have either said or done have angered many types of Americans; veterans, African Americans, Latinos, gays, indebted college students, Muslims and women.

That being said, I felt like I was not in a position to say anything because I couldn't relate. I don’t know how it feels to have been abandoned by my government, targeted by police because of my skin, called rude names because of my ethnicity or religious preference, and I certainly do not know what it feels like to have been sexually violated. I know there are people out there who could speak out about these experiences better than I could. However, Donald Trump’s latest comments about objectifying women and hinting at sexually assaulting them have finally hit close enough to home to me where I feel like I am in a position to say something publicly.

His comments were disgusting and made me extremely uncomfortable, but what was worse was that those who are trying to defend his comments by calling these words “locker room banter.”

I grew up playing almost every sport until I found my niche in water polo. I was heavily involved in the sport throughout high school and college. It still means so much to me that most of my closest friends were made playing water polo. High school and college are times in which a large majority of Americans become sexually active; with some losing their virginity while they are in high school or in my case my freshman year of college. This is where locker room banter comes in, as a teammate you confide a lot in your friends, and by my senior year of college I was close enough with teammates that I told them everything about my life. One of those frequent topics of conversation was our sexual encounters with girls. These types of conversations may not be deemed appropriate, but I have come to realise that both young boys and girls have these types of conversations with their friends; it’s part of the college experience.

I have heard sex stories from both my close male and female friends. So I am not going to criticize Donald Trump and Billy Bush for talking about sex, I would have found nothing wrong with the tape if they were just talking about women they have been with and implied that consent was involved; that’s locker room talk. I am disgusted that Trump seemed to think he could get away with any sexual act regardless of consent. AND I am equally disturbed with Bush because he had the perfect opportunity to say something to Donald, to get him to change his word choice, or move on in the conversation, but instead Bush encouraged this behavior, forcing Arianne Zucker, the subject of some of Trump’s comments, to hug him.

I have had close female friends tell me stories about their sex life, but some of them have also told me about the times a guy tried to force himself upon her or she was drugged at a party. Every time I can see the pain on their faces as they relive that nightmare in their head and tell me of what happened or what some guy said to them, and every time I sit in disbelief.

I have a 19-year-old sister in college and I would be lying if the thought of someone trying to take advantage of her never crosses my mind. Or what about my mother when she was growing up? Or my close female friends at my university or other universities? I’m sure most of my girl friends prefer to not share those awful experiences with me and I completely understand that. I have always tried to put myself in someone else’s shoes when analyzing an issue, asking myself how would I feel if I was in their position. When I hear stories about a woman being raped or when a guy attempted to rape a woman, I ask myself, “Could I do that to someone? Could I sexually force myself on someone while they are sobbing, passed out, or trying to push me away?” Thankfully my parents raised me to respect everyone's space so each time the answer is a resounding FUCK NO and it makes me sick thinking that there have been way too many men who have done this in the past. When and where did men get the idea that this was okay and how is rape still a relevant issue not only within the United States, but especially college campuses? At what point in childhood did our parents teach us no means yes or that keeping your hands to yourself is a suggestion? Every time I hear about a rape case or a situation in which someone tried to take advantage of a woman I am thankful that my parents taught me better, and that I chose to surround myself with friends who shared similar morals.

So no Donald, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, and every other die-hard Trump supporter; this is not simply locker room banter. The biggest difference between locker room banter and these comments is the lack of the most important word when it comes to human sexual interaction; consent.

I am not going to sit here and pretend like I am a saint and have never had conversations with my friends that I wouldn’t dare repeat in front of my mother about girls. I have been dishonest to girls I have dated in the past and hurt their feelings, and when that happened I apologized and try to turn those low points in my life into learning situations so I won’t make those mistakes again. I am constantly working on improving myself and the man I am doesn’t treat women like that ever. But I have never engaged in or encouraged a dialogue in which a friend or I claimed we could do whatever we wanted to a girl without her permission. I have never assumed because I was an athlete that girls just automatically wanted to sleep with me or owed me sex because I bought them dinner.

So to those of you who have defended Trump’s most recent outrageous comments, how dare you try to play this off as if all guys talk like this. Do we talk about sex? Absolutely. Have I ever bragged about being able to touch a woman whenever I wanted? Absolutely NOT. Your attempt to equate Trump’s comments to common conversations is a foul and sad attempt at ignoring another one of his hurtful comments. it wasn’t hard for me to learn how to respect a woman’s body, nor was it hard for me to understand that I am not above any other human being no matter their gender, religion, sexual orientation, religious beliefs or ethnicity. The subject of sex isn’t as taboo in our society as it used to be, but that shouldn’t undermine the importance of consent between everyone involved.

Unfortunately there are already too many men out there who do not share my beliefs. The last thing this country needs is a leader who condones racism, xenophobia and misogyny. It breaks my heart that one out of five women in college have been sexually assaulted. This country's rape epidemic isn’t going to be made better with Donald Trump as our head of state. This would send a horrible message not only to American women that they aren’t equal to men, but also to American men that objectifying and assaulting women will still get you elected President of the United States. As a leader you are supposed to set an example for people, the example Donald is setting is that you can bully anyone who opposes you, dehumanize individuals, and still be allowed to run for the highest position in the world.

As a former college athlete I can confirm that this is not “locker room talk” and as a proud American and a human being, I would be ashamed to have a commander-in-chief who possesses all of the qualities of a narcissistic bully, because that doesn’t represent America or all the good things America stands for.

If you want to join Sean and me in the rejection of rape culture and the amplification of consent, register to vote and join the It's On Us campaign in their efforts to change our society for the better.