Author’s note: I’m not particularly versed in politics. I just know that Trump as president is not a good idea. Additionally, this is a kind of mean article. Reader discretion is advised.

June 14th marks the 70th birthday of Donald Trump. But despite all of his years on earth, he still hasn’t learned how to be a decent human being. Here are six gifts we should give Donald Trump for his birthday.

1. A clear understanding of a president’s position

If you look at a few of Trump’s policies you can see that he doesn’t understand where the president fits in the American political system. For instance, he frequently mentions that he will alter military spending. But the truth is that the president doesn’t decide things like that. And for good reason. Three branches of government keep any one power from ruling, and deviations from this could have Hitler-like consequences. For his birthday, we should educate Trump (and all his die-hard supporters) about the role of a president.

2. Several years of psychotherapy

Psychotherapy, also called talk therapy, can help alleviate narcissistic personality disorder. I am not a doctor, but I honestly think Trump has this condition. According to the Mayo Clinic here are some signs of this disorder:

• Fantasies about power, success and attractiveness (I’m seriously not making this up.)
• Failure to recognize others' needs and feelings
• Exaggeration of achievements or talents (Trump University, anyone?)
• Arrogance
• Unreasonable expectations of favors and advantages, often taking advantage of others
• Envy of others or belief that others envy you

Trump has demonstrated these behaviors again and again. And maybe the talk therapy will also help him with his compulsive lying.

3. A better research team

Okay, okay. Let’s say that Trump isn’t a compulsive liar. At the very least, he needs a better research team. Out of all the statements PolitiFact, a website dedicated to fact-checking statements of political figures, 41 percent of Trump’s statements been proven false. Likewise, 19 percent have been rated “pants on fire” worthy. A better research team would help Trump lie to the American people in a more believable fashion. That way when engaging in heated discussion about politics in a bar, non-Trump supporters will have a more challenging conversation to partake in. (When battling blatant ignorance, no one wins. When battling well-informed ignorance, a more interesting, enlightening conversation arises.)

4. A realistic way to deal with immigration

Now, I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t have any idea how to deal with immigration, nor do I know if immigration actually is an issue that needs to be addressed. But what I do know is that building a wall isn’t the answer. I mean, not that it’s exactly the same thing, but look how well The Great Wall of China kept out northern invaders.

5. A cage

Not for him. That’s inhumane. I just think he would enjoy having a place to store his hair.

6. A class on bigotry (or respect in general)

I don’t care how many Muslim friends Trump has. I don’t care that he’s got a wife and two daughters or a mother or a nana. Trump is a racist, and Trump is a sexist. Time and time again he exercises palpable disrespect against people that are different from him. That’s not the kind of person I want running my country.

I told you this was going to be harsh. Just know it's in good fun. (Kind of). Happy birthday, Donald Trump. Hope it’s a great day.