Remember how in the kid's cartoons there was always this one character who was a disaster 24/7? You know the one, it was the guy who walked into walls and couldn't get a date, or the girl who couldn't go half an episode without falling flat on her face. Remember how you would laugh at them, and their almost unreal inability to function? Yeah well some of us grew up to be that kid. Don't get me wrong, it is kind of hilarious and not all bad, but chances are if you're the token klutz of your friend's group, you're going to relate these facts of life for the uncoordinated.
1. Unexplained Bruises and Cuts
There's nothing like waking up to a new day, with light shining through your window, the birds chirping, and a thick stripe of purple across both knees. Seriously? Both knees? Where did it come from? How did you even do this? You think it might have been when you fell off your bike, or maybe when you tripped on the sidewalk curb. The true culprit was the coffee table you walked into yesterday, but you probably won't remember.
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2. It's Impossible To Look Cool In Front Of Your Crush
You see them in the student union lobby, and they see you. You make eye contact and put on your biggest, cheesiest grin as you prepare to walk through that door and smoothly deliver the pickup line that is smeared on your sweaty palm. Until you miss the door handle all together and fall backward into the unforgiving void. One more try, you tell yourself, until you yank as hard as you can on the door that has "push" stamped on the handle in big bold letters. On second thought maybe it's time to transfer schools altogether.
3. You Can Laugh At Yourself
Amid all the signs that natural selection should've picked you off long ago, at least you've developed a pretty good sense of humor about it. You're the friend who can usually make an awkward situation into a squad meme. Even if your friends don't explicitly say it as they shell out band-aids and Neosporin to you, you're sure they appreciate it.
4. Strangers Are Alarmed
While people close to you have learned to take your shenanigans in stride, strangers haven't figured out that this is normal for you, and no amount of reassurance or brushing off on your part will stop them asking "are you sure you're okay?" or "what on earth happened to your hand?
5. You Probably Have a High Pain Tolerance
Getting tossed around as much as you do, pain doesn't really shock you anymore. Maybe you're used to it, or maybe your nerve endings are just fried at this point. Who knows, but your doctor is probably grateful, and a little concerned. Flu shots? No big deal, falling down the stairs last week hurt way more.
6. You're Virtually Indestructible In Body and Spirit
One of your best qualities as the resident human train wreck is you always seem to bounce back faster than you fall. No matter what physical or emotional trauma comes your way, chances are you'll be back on your feet tomorrow, with the same unsuspecting smile as you run headlong into the vending machine in the foyer.
