Folks, it’s just that point of the semester. Our Ramen noodle stashes have gone dry, our brain cells are in the ICU, and our attitudes are a fantastic mixture of frustration, panic, hopelessness, and devastation. As I wipe the fresh tears from my earth science notes, I bring to you 6 enemies that college students face:

1. Procrastination

Public Enemy Number 1. I swear when I first learned this concept, I’ve demonstrated its definition so well that Webster could place a picture of me next to the word in the dictionary. It happens to the best of us. Have a 1000-word essay due by midnight? Sure, I’m going to totally start on it after I organize my entire linen closet by thread count.

2. Student Loans

This doesn't even need an explanation.

3. Cumulative Finals

Professor: The final is cumulative.

Me:

4. Slow Internet Connection

Granted, this is bothersome to anyone, but my biggest irk as a college student is having to do research online when the Internet connection works as reliable as Burger King’s Icee machines.

5. Random Fire Drills

Want to know a legitimate fear I have as a student resident? It’s the RA’s conducting random fire drills at night, forcing me to exit my dorm in my indecent pajama shorts and a head full of Flexirods.

It’s just me? Oh, okay, then.

6. Short Answer Questions

The Process of Elimination and I are in a very serious relationship. I may be unfaithful because I’m also committed to Google Translate, but you know how it goes. My point is there is no singing iny-miny-mini-moe with short answer questions. These bad boys are designed to make you sweat. The fact that they are worth at least 30 points each doesn’t help the situation much, either.

Despite the challenges we as college students face, we are strong and we will persevere through the stressful days known as Finals Week. My mom always taught me to exude a positive attitude through all my endeavors, and I shall do that, along with call her twice a day and sob. As long as we square up with procrastination and remember the material as well as we remember song lyrics, then our GPA’s will not plummet into the abyss. Speak it into existence. We’re going to do great!