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6 Disney Movies That Would Have Made Better Rides Than "Song Of The South"

Hint: almost ANY of them.

Lauren Dubravec

Aug 28, 2020

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Photo by Juniper Journal on Unsplash

This past June, Disney announced that the ride, "Splash Mountain," would abandon the extremely racist 1948 film, "Song of the South," and be rebuilt and rebranded around "The Princess and the Frog." This is super exciting, but it did not escape my attention that it took until 2020 for Disney to A) get rid of a ride dedicated to a film that glorifies slavery and B) give "The Princess and the Frog" the major attraction it clearly deserves. So, I did some Disney sleuthing, and here are 6 Disney Movies that should have been made into rides before "Song of the South" was EVER considered.

1. "The Story of Menstruation"

Psh! Women.

You and your family hop into the ovary cars, the ovarcoaster, if you will, with great gusto. You zoom into a fallopian tube, twisting and turning past preteen girls sobbing into their boudoirs. "Oh no! A cyst approaches!" Mickey Zaps it without even trying. He is Fantasia. You are safe. Minnie Sobs nearby, bleeding enthusiastically. Your middle-aged husband is slapped in the face by airborne endometrial tissue. He smiles softly. He finally understands women.

2. "The Brave Little Toaster"

I think the toaster's cute friend might be a vacuum bag? I'm not sure, but I would kill and die for him/her

You get into the toaster and he's just so f*cking brave. He gives a speech about loyalty and friendship. With tears in your eyes, you run to the nearest theme park bathroom and call your meanest relative. Families reunited. Years of estrangement healed. YOU are the toaster.

3. "Fuzzbucket"

Just LOOK at him

You don't get on this ride. No one gets on this ride unless they actively hate themselves. You've heard it consists of being locked in a dark treehouse with a hairy rodent man called Fuzzbucket who has no concept of personal space.

4. "That Darn Cat"

That meddling cat!

You get into a very average rollercoaster car. Suddenly, you hear meows. The cat has stolen the roller coaster! Darn! You chuckle all the way home.

5. "The Gnome Mobile"

Man driving bus full of gnomes and children

image the book mobile of yore, but this time with GNOMES inside

You are on a bus and there are gnomes, oh, so many gnomes. They're singing about gnome life which consists of moss and hippity hoppity. A animatron gnome places a flower crown on your head and, staring into their joyfully blank robot eyes, you finally discover the secret to ending climate change.

6. "Unidentified Flying Oddball"

renaissance woman talking to astronaut holding duck

The knights of the round table but the table is a flying saucer and the knights are BOTS

You are handed a robot duck and a flower crown. You are the sword in the stone. It is the space ride but with ducks and swords. If someone knows what the plot of this movie is please notify me immediately. The two sentences on Wikipedia continue to haunt me.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

6 Disney Movies That Would Have Made Better Rides Than "Song Of The South"

Hint: almost ANY of them.

In This Article:

1. "The Story of Menstruation"

2. "The Brave Little Toaster"

3. "Fuzzbucket"

4. "That Darn Cat"

5. "The Gnome Mobile"

6. "Unidentified Flying Oddball"

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No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

Told through Parks & Recreation GIFs

Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

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