The 6 Biggest Losers on The Sopranos | The Odyssey Online
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The 6 Biggest Losers on The Sopranos

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The 6 Biggest Losers on The Sopranos

The Sopranos is filled with psychologically messed up individuals, who think the world revolves around them.

And while almost all of the characters are flawed in some way, there are a handful who have absolutely

zero redeeming qualities. While all interesting, complex individuals, with realistic personas, I don't think these characters have ever had lines with a hint of anything that could resemble a likable or kind-hearted thought.

Because this show is so well written though, the audience still ends up caring about these characters. I hate them, but they're realistic, so I care about what happens to them.

And I saw them

develop into lamer people as the show progressed (which I didn't think was possible).

So check out the six biggest losers on the show, ranked in descending order.

**Spoiler alert

6. Paulie Gualtieri

Racist, homophonic, sociopathic and sadistic. Paulie may be the biggest d*ck on The Sopranos.


He suffocated an elderly woman because she wasn't kind enough to his “mother." And when he found out his “mother" wasn't his real mom (long story) – although a solid

reason to be pissed off and confused – he responds by disassociating himself from her – the sweet woman who raised him, loved him and wants so badly to be a mother toward him.

When the whole thing about Vito being gay blew up, Paulie responds perhaps the most harshly – aside from maybe Phil – with death threats

and unfair attacks

on his character.

In the classic "Pine Barrens" episode, Paulie tries to kill Christopher to save his own life.

He shows on numerous other occasions that he only cares about himself, he can dish out anything but can never take criticism, and he's a huge suck up (especially to Tony).

Paulie's an a**hole. No way around it.

5. Ralfie Cifaretto


He is responsible for perhaps the most gruesome scene on the series -- high on cocaine, he brutally beats, Tracee, a "Bada Bing" stripper to death because she spit on him (with good reason).

He manipulates insecure women and subjects them to his bizarre fetishes. He is a liability to the family with his drug-induced absurd

behavior.

He also selfishly cheats Tony out of his gambling profit by killing his horse.

4. Livia Soprano


She may be the most blackhearted character on the show. During her quickly crippling cognition

in her old age, she fails to see Tony's care for her.

And by the way Tony describes her in his sessions with Dr. Melfie, it seems she was a verbally abusive and often condescending mother and wife.

She pities herself in almost every scene she's in. She constantly cries about her children not loving her. And when Tony does all he can to make her last few years as peaceful as possible in a nice, "retirement community," she attacks her son for putting her in a “nursing home."

With claims about the world "being all a big nothing" (speaking to A.J.) and how you'll never find happiness, her self pity and negativity are a huge

a bummer.

Most importantly, she made it clear she wanted her son, Tony, dead.

3. Artie Bucco


This guy is just a weirdo. He's a solid business man and maintains a seemingly popular Italian restaurant, but (and this is a huge but), he just kind of sucks.

He thinks he's funny, and always tries to make his customers laugh with his uncomfortable jokes about their date nights and

the “crispness of the beans and the smoothness of the cheese."

He kills a rabbit in his garden, probably because of his serious masculine complex, which isn't baddass, it's just messed up.

He almost kills himself because he can't payback his debts to Tony. This is really just sad, and I do sympathize with characters with real depressive symptoms, but his suicidal thinking was very circumstantial, and a result of his irresponsible use of his money.

He is creepy with women. He clearly has a thing for his foreign hostess from the way he picks on her. He stares at the strippers at the Bada Bing with a sad desire he knows he can never act on because one, he's weird, and two, he's married to a woman who made the smart decision to leave him once.

2. A.J. Soprano


His dad makes over a million dollars a year, provides him with a tiptop of New Jersey upper class

comfort zone. He has a caring mother who spends much of her time trying to motivate him, and a sister who stands as a great influence of what he should be doing.

How does he repay all this?

He consistently gets terrible grades in school, and always has a reason why its not his fault. (Nothing is his fault by the way).

He traumatizes Bobby's innocent children when their mother had recently passed by pretending to talk to the dead.

He pisses off Carmella, an often sweet mother, with his laziness, foul language, to the extent that she has him live with Tony when they are separated.

He attacks Tony, a surprisingly good father, his work, and tells him to f*ck off on numerous occasions when this man, however immoral, has supported him financially to an extent that 99.9% of children could only dream of.

After failing out of college, he works at Blockbuster, hangs out with aimless punks, and goes to sketchy night clubs. His construction job redeems his character slightly… but ever so slightly.

When Tony and Carmella question his drive, he makes absurd assertions about his future, that he is capable of owning a nightclub or hosting parties as a profession, and offers zero tangible evidence of his ability or intention to follow up on these ambitions.

1. Janice (Soprano) Baccalieri


As Tony, the mafia bosse's, sister, she is naturally involved in just about all the show's central conflicts. She plays an important role as a female parallel to Tony's psychosis. But she's worse...

She killed Richie Apreal, her significant other at the time, and then tells Tony she came home to him dead and cries like an idiot -- as usual, giving Tony an unnecessary burden.

She realizes Ralfie is a creep and not her knight in shining Italian armor, so she throws him down the stairs because he forgot to take his shoes off in the house. She then cries for no reason, and tells him to get out and locks herself in her room like he had threatened her when he literally did nothing.

She gives Tony endless crap about relatively insignificant matters, when he, as the boss of the family, has much more important things to be dealing with than his self-invovled sister's bullish*t.

She makes Bobby feel like a terrible father, when in reality, she is an anger-stricken psychopath who terrifies Bobby's children on a regular basis with her nonsensical screaming.

I could go on as she is the worst.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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