This past weekend’s release of Justice League saw the iconic superhero team—Batman, Superman, Aquaman, The Flash, Cyborg, and (everyone’s favorite) Wonder Woman—join forces to take down the DC Extended Universe’s biggest enemy: low expectations. While audience’s reception of the film was a bit lackluster, I had quite a few thoughts after watching it. Here are those 57 thoughts I had, in chronological order, after watching Justice League.
1. Huh. That movie was okay. Pretty much exactly what I expected.
2. Now I’m hungry.
3. I should have bought a large bag of popcorn instead of the small one.
4. Is there anywhere good to eat around here? I haven’t been in this neighborhood since I went to go see Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.
5. Let me check Yelp.
6. Oh, it looks like there’s a good Thai place around the corner. That looks pretty good.
7. Wait, I don’t like Thai. Never mind.
8. I wonder why I don’t like Thai food? I mean, every time I see a picture of something Thai, it looks absolutely delicious, but every time I eat it, I don’t like it. I just can’t seem to get myself to eat the deliciously-looking Thai food.
9. Taste buds are weird.
10. Oh, it looks like there’s a nice Italian place a few blocks away. I’ll go there.
11. I could really go for some spaghetti.
12. It’s kinda cold out.
13. It’s really cold out.
14. I should have worn a heavier jacket.
15. The wind does feel kinda nice though. It’d almost be refreshing if it weren’t so biting.
16. Maybe I should have brought a scarf, too.
17. But scarfs are weird. I don’t want some special piece of cloth wrapped around my neck like a noose. I’d feel so constricted, so on edge the whole time. It’d be like someone’s choking me while I’m out on a nice walk to an Italian restaurant.
18. No, scarfs are not for me.
19. Apparently they are for that dog though? Why is that dog wearing a scarf?
20. The dog’s walker isn’t even wearing a scarf! Why is that dog wearing a scarf and the owner not? That doesn’t make sense.
21. One more block until the Italian place.
22. Ouch.
23. I didn’t see that crack in the sidewalk there.
24. I wonder if I’m bleeding?
25. My knee hurts now.
26. Did anyone see me fall?
27. I hope not.
28. Wait. Someone did. She’s staring.
29. Get up, get up quick before she comes over and asks if you’re okay or need help.
30. Too late.
31. I’m obviously fine, why does she keep looking at me like that? So concerned and sad and all that? She’s not my mom.
32. Why is she calling the ambulance? I already told her I’m fine.
33. She’s not listening to me. Oh jeez, an ambulance is on its way.
34. I really just want some spaghetti.
35. I hear the ambulance coming. Why do sirens even sound like that? They’re not comforting. They’re not offering any sort of reassurance that I’m going to be okay.
36. I am okay.
37. They’re getting closer. It sounds like the ambulance is coming to take me to my death.
38. I’ve told this lady like six times already that I am fine. Why is she hugging me right now? I don’t want to be hugged. I want to eat spaghetti!
39. Oh. She thinks I’m her long-lost son and doesn’t want to see me get hurt anymore after being away for so long. Great.
40. I really need to go. Her grip is tighter than I originally thought.
41. There, I’m free. Running hurts though. My knee hurts too.
42. Oh no, she’s chasing after me.
43. What is she yelling? Kyle? My name isn’t Kyle.
44. Apparently she is one hundred percent sure I’m her long lost son Kyle who ran away at the age of seven. I’d run away from her at seven years old too if this is what I had to put up with every day.
45. She’s catching up.
46. Now the wind doesn’t feel refreshing at all.
47. Almost to the Italian place.
48. She’s apologizing for loving the parrot more than me.
49. I mean, not me. Kyle. Loving the parrot more than her long lost son who is still lost, Kyle.
50. Kyle, if you’re out there, stay out there.
51. That valet guy seemed really surprised when I ran past him into the restaurant. Hopefully he’ll stop crazy person from running in after me?
52. Good, they have an open seat by the window. I’ll take that one.
53. The hostess is really nice. Took my order right away and everything.
54. Crazy mom-who-isn’t-actually-my-mom just ran in. Just keep your head down and in your menu. Don’t look up, don’t look up, don’t look up.
55. She’s screaming about Kyle. Kyle, Kyle Kyle!
56. Whoa. Some dude just stood up and was all like, “Mom?”
57. Long lost Kyle isn’t lost anymore I guess. Also, I’m really ready for that spaghetti.
