Every year, from Dec. 26 until Feb. 15 you'll hear the term "New Year's resolutioners" thrown around the gym locker room. After working at a gym for a year, my option on the so called New Year's resolutioners has changed drastically. I'm no longer mad at these people for crowding the gym; rather, I'm rooting for them to keep this resolution as a permanent change in their lives.
If you were to ask me if I find these people just as annoying as you do, I'd have to say no. It's not the New Year's resolutioners who annoy me. No, sir. The award for the most irritating members would have to go to the regulars I've seen every day for the past year who quite literally think they own the place. Here's a list of 51 ways you can avoid being that regular.
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1. Acknowledge us.
A simple "Hi" and "Bye" can go a long way.
2. Don't expect us to check you in.
It's called self check-in for a reason.
3. My screen tells me your dues are late.
It's not a big deal, but please don't lecture me for ten minutes about how your dues “aren’t late” just to remember that your credit card expired three weeks ago.
4. Yes, the equipment is old, but you're also paying six dollars a month.
You get what you pay for.
5. No, you can't store your water bottle in the fridge that is holding beverages for purchase.
6. Or in the break room fridge. Employees only.
7. If there is a used tampon in the toilet, flush it.
You don't need to ask the girl at the front desk to do it for you.
8. Remember your lock combination.
9. Don't complain that we're out of passes when you show up five minutes before a popular class.
10. We don't ask you to write your friend’s name and phone number down for fun.
If it were up to us we wouldn't ask at all. Throw us a bone every once and awhile and give us your ex- girlfriend or your mother-in-law's number. If you don't write your name down, we won't tell them who gave it to us.
11. No, you can't use my discount.
12. Yes I know the protein powder is expense.
If it's so much cheaper at the nutrition shop across the street then buy it there instead. We don't make the prices, corporate does.
13. Re-rack your weights.
14. Don't sign up for a guest pass unless you intend on walking out of the gym with a membership that same day.
15. Don't lie to us.
It shows on our computer that you received a guest pass from the gym down the street just last month.
16. Read the contract you're signing.
Read the fine print. Read every sign you see in the gym.
17. You really don't need to workout three times a day.
18. Quest Bars won't make you lose weight.
They're candy bars with protein.
19. Wipe down the equipment when you're done.
20. No, you won't find a cheaper rate at another gym.
21. Believe me when I tell you I'm the only employee currently working.
22. Don't try to go around me and look for a manager, you won't find one for another two hours.
23. We’re aware that the day passes are expensive.
The whole point is to get you to buy a membership instead.
24. If you don't live within ten miles of this gym, you're paying for a day pass. End of story.
25. Sure, you can talk to my manager, but he's going to tell you the exact same thing.
26. If you're a regular at this gym, there is a 70 percent chance you've over stepped your boundaries more than once, and I no longer like you.
27. Will you ever know that? Probably not.
It's called "having good customer service skills."
28. I know the sign says 24 Hour Fitness, but if you bothered to check our schedule you'd see that’ve we’ve been closing on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night for the last 20 years.
29. Don't call me from your car asking for directions.
Pull over and use your Google Maps.
30. We don't offer complimentary towels.
31. Don't ask to use the restroom if you don't have a membership.
32. No I can't use the intercom to call your girlfriend to the front desk to talk to you.
I can however call the cops.
33. Don't hit on the girl at the front desk.
Trust me, you'd know if I were interested in you and the ring on my finger is clearly saying I'm not.
34. Don't ask for my personal work schedule.
35. Yes our management and employees are very nice, don't take advantage of us.
36. Just because we let something slide once doesn't mean we'll let it slide again.
37. Don't assume the new hire knows who you are.
Actually, don’t assume any employee knows who you are.
38. Don't call and proceed to ask me to find your husband (like I even know who he is) and then claim it's an emergency when I refuse.
You know what’s funny? He told me it wasn't as soon as he hung up the phone. I think we all the remember the story of the boy who cried wolf.
39. There is only one full day out of the entire year that we're closed and that day is Christmas.
Please look at the schedule before you call and ask.
40. This isn't cross fit. Do not slam your weights on the ground.
41. Don't steal our remote controls.
42. Don't ask us to change the TV for you.
If the game is that important to you, watch it at home.
43. You don't need an Elevation Training Mask to work out.
It’s a gym, not the top of a mountain.
44. The sauna is only broken because you kept pouring water on the heat generator.
45. Contrary to popular belief, teaching you how to use the equipment is actually not in my job description.
46. You get one free session with a trainer just for having a membership, take advantage of it.
As much as they try to get you to sign up, there’s no obligation.
47. I'm genuinely sorry the yoga instructor didn't show up today, but I don't have her phone number and there is nothing I can do for you.
48. Don't make fun of the overweight girl in shorts and a sports bra.
Good for her for being confident. I bet her personality is 10 times better than your's, anyway.
49. Don't complain that one stall is out of toilet paper.
We refill the stalls every hour and there are seven other fully stocked stalls you could have used. Check first next time.
50. I'm not going to kick that person out of the gym for forgetting their towel.
51. Lastly, don't talk down to me because I'm younger than you.
It’s just going to be more embarrassing for you when my manager backs me up. I don’t tell you how to do your job, so don’t tell me how to do mine.
