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51 Odyssey Articles I'll Never Write

That's all, folks!

Emily Casey

Oct 30, 2016

Muhlenberg College

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/513340057498749111/

Well, folks, it's been a long journey, but after about four months of writing for the Odyssey, it's time for me to move on. I know everyone is super disappointed and will sorely miss my wonderful articles (the toast one--am I right?), but in lieu of having me around for a few more weeks, here are 50 article titles so you can just imagine how great they would have been.

1. An Open Letter to General's Quarters For Staying Open Until 3 So I Could Get My Guac On

2. 10 Ways Being A Dog Is So #Woke

3. 17 and a Half Different Ways to Be A Vegetarian As Told By Ginger

4. Why Being a Writing Tutor Has Made Me a Better Person (JK I Just Talk About It A Lot Sorry)

5. An Open Letter To Pickle Jars: Why Are You So Hard To Open? You Have Wounded Me Deeply

6. 15 Reasons Why "Okey Dokey" Is Just Not Okay

7. Why I'm Looking Forward To The Warmth Of Hell

8. The Apocalypse Is Coming--And It's Not In The Form That You Expect! (It's Oatmeal Raisin Cookies That You Think Are Chocolate Chips)

9. 15 Reasons Why Holding The Door Open Means More Than Saving a Life (Accompanied By "How to Save a Life" by The Fray)

10. Why Peanut Butter Is Appropriation To My Snacking Culture

11. 18 Reasons Why Mike Pence Is The Worst As Told By The Cast of Hellevator

12. An Open Letter to the Odyssey: I'm Breaking Up With You

13. An Open Letter to Jar Jar Binks: Thank You For Saving My Relationship

14 100 Reasons Why Fedoras Must Be Banned

15. 15 Reasons Why Mr. Robot Is The Only Reason Why I Have Tape On My Laptop Camera

16. Why I'm Not Like the Other Girls (And That's Okay)

17. An Open Letter To Cars: Thank You For Always Getting Me Places

18. The Anschluss Told Through Gifs of Gilmore Girls

19. 25 Reasons Why Boom Boom Pow Will Always Be #Iconic

20. Jesus Christ Superstar Is The Worst Told Through Memes

21. An Open Letter To Socks: Please Stay On My Feet While You're In My Boot

22. An Open Letter To Socks: I Bought 6 New Pairs And You Have All Gone Missing

23. Why Pepe The Frog is The Antichrist But Dat Boi Is Our Savior

24. An Open Letter To My Neighbor's Lawnmower

25. 20 Reasons Why P!nk Has Doomed Us All

26. Why Julie Andrews Is The Only God That I Recognize

27. An Open Letter To Other Libras Because We All Know Who’s The Best

28. I'm Here, I'm Queer, Where Are the Snacks? An Open Letter to My Parents

29. 35 Reasons Why Listicles Are Awful

30. Why I Eat Entire Bags of Smartfood Cheddar Popcorn (And That's Okay)

31. An Open Letter to My Unborn Daughter: I Am Already Sorry For My Incompetence

32. Why I'm Giving Up, And Why I'm Telling Myself That's Okay

33. An Open Letter To My Best Witches: The Sacrifice Begins At Midnight

34. 72 Reasons Why You Should Donate To My Kickstarter

35. An Open Letter To The Person Who Believes I Hog The Covers: Get Your Own Blanket

36. Why The Raccoon Sketch From SNL Means More To Me Than My Firstborn Child

37. 19 Pictures of Meryl Streep Wearing Overalls

38. An Open Letter To Cats: Why Do You Have Nine Lives So You Can Start Over But I Have Must Suffer Through This Life on Earth Due To The Choices I’ve Made

39. Why Lizard People Are My Friends

40. Choose Your Own Adventure (This would be an entire article of hypotheticals)

41. AAAAAAAAAAAAA: A Scream Into The Void

42. I Became An English Major And Now I Can't Stop Being A D*ck

43. I Live In My Own Reality (And Why That's Okay)

44. Why I Believe in Ghosts: Living In A Haunted Dorm Room

45. An Open Letter to Muhlenberg Freshmen: Stop Screaming

46. An Open Letter to That Specific Group of Muhlenberg Freshmen: Get Out of GQ

47. An Open Letter to Awa: Thank You

48. Why Austria Is My Homeland And It Should Be Blessed

49. An Open Letter to My Home Girl Sia: Thanks For Putting Me Through Grad School

(This one was contingent on the off chance that Sia would pay for my higher education)

50. An Open Letter to My Mortality: I'm Afraid

51. 47 Reasons Why You Should Pay Me Money

I'm sure I have forgotten a ton of great titles I've come up with in the past, and for that I am sorry, but it is time for me to depart now. So, in conclusion: peace out Girl Scouts. It has been real, but I must be outtie 5000 now. Goodnight and good luck. So long, farewell. Carry on my wayward son and all that jazz.

Here we go, here we go.

Satellite Radio.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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51 Odyssey Articles I'll Never Write

That's all, folks!

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Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

Some of your best ideas come through boredom.

1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.

2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!

3. Can I nap in here?

4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.

5. How much does my teacher even get paid?

6. How much will I get paid?

7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.

8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.

9. How much do street performers make anyway?

10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.

11. Oh right, I'm not talented.

The Belchers hold the key to a better life.

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