When I was about 5 years old, I lost my first tooth. I remember my sister crying about it for almost an hour because she wanted to lose her first tooth too. Twins were supposed to lose them at the same time, according to her. Because we did everything else together, she was hurt that this was something we were forced to do separately. My sister was (and still is) my best friend. We were luckier than most because we literally have had each other since before we were even brought into the world. Like any pair of twins, we were very close yet still wanted to be our own people; to exist as Ramani and as Kirana instead of Ramani and Kirana. We saw ourselves as two individuals, but it was hard for others to see that.

Once we became a little older, we couldn’t wait to be apart. Fourth grade was the first year we were placed in different classes at school, and we were always split up until we graduated in 2015. During high school, we planned to go to separate universities since now, we finally were our own people. We each had our own friends, our own interests, and our own aspirations for what we wanted to do after senior year ended. We felt a physical distance was the obvious route for us to take. Being accepted to LSU that fall suddenly negated everything.

We were more than excited to start at this college 23 hours away from where our entire life had been in Virginia simply because we knew we would have the other by our side. We were going to room together and go out together and begin our real, adult lives as one unit. We were happy to be seen as twins and embraced our sameness in a way that we hadn’t since we were little. The story changed, however, once freshman year actually started. We argued more than we spoke. We both avoided our dorm room unless we were sleeping or getting dressed for class in the mornings. We didn’t have the physical distance we once wanted, but we certainly felt some sort of barrier between us. We were overjoyed when summer break arrived after what seemed like forever because it meant we didn’t have to share our space any longer. My sister and I understood our mistake of rooming together had only damaged our relationship as siblings rather than bringing us closer like we thought it would.

Now, a year later, I realize that it wasn’t so much sharing a room with my sister as it was just us growing up, which unfortunately meant also growing apart- at least for a while. We discovered more about ourselves in college and a large part of that was learning how to truly exist as individuals away from one another. In college, we didn’t have to do everything together and we didn’t have to share anything. Having to return to our tiny dorm room meant going back to being twins instead of sisters.

This semester, my sister decided to stay home meaning that I am the only one at LSU for the time being. This is the farthest we have ever lived apart and the longest we have ever gone without seeing the other. It is unsettling sometimes to not have her with me on campus and to not have the ability to see her whenever I want, but in a weird way the distance is helping to repair whatever we lost during our freshman year. We make it a point to call each other at least twice a day just to talk about everything going on, even if it’s just to discuss what we had for dinner. I’m learning to appreciate my sister a lot more and see her as a presence that I shouldn’t try to detach myself from, but involve in my life as much as I can. My sister is and always will be my best friend, and I think that having distance only showed me even more, how I truly can not live without her.