Once upon a time, I was 12 years old and fell in love with a book and movie series about vampires and werewolves and love. Just like almost every other tweeny bopper, I was obsessed with Twilight. I read all of the books over and over, had in depth conversations and arguments about characters and plot points as though they were real, memorized the movies after attending the midnight showings, and picked a "team" and defended my chosen fictional man to no end. Need proof? No problem.

Exhibit A: A selfie with my "most prized possession". Don't worry, each book got its turn.

Ah, sweet adolescence. Aaaanywayyyy...

I watched the Twilight movie countless times and truly had every word, breath, look, everything memorized. Looking back I can't believe I stomached it all. It was so cheesy and remarkably unbelievable even within the realms of the fictional world it's set in. Since those cringe-worthy days of the past I haven't sat down and watched the movie in a few years. So, I thought I would conduct a little experiment for the enjoyment of anyone who wishes to read about my potential suffering. I grabbed my special edition DVD I purchased at the midnight release party at Borders (rest in peace) and popped in it. Here's what went through my head as I revisited Bella Swan and Edward Cullen.

1. This opening scene is cool and all as a prologue but I feel like Edward doesn't end up catching the deer, it went through his arms.

2. They really did do a good job with this music, they were solid soundtracks.

3. Okay why does Charlie park his car in the mud and grass instead of the perfectly good driveway right next to the house?

4. "One of the best things about Charlie? He doesn't hover." Geez, do I still have this movie memorized?

5. Wait, Bella knows how to drive stick? Jacob says something about the clutch - I know what that is now. So she just gets handed a manual truck and drives off perfectly fine and knowing how to drive it? I wish.

6. Oh look! It's Anna Kendrick. She's so cute and spunky. Kind of can't believe she survived this movie to have a successful career afterward.

7. Alright, even if vampires didn't have super good hearing, Bella and her friends are talking about the Cullens literally INCHES away from them. Seriously? They can hear you. You're not even whispering. Come on.

8. Oh my gosh, Kristen Stewart. She did the thing. I forgot she does this face thing where it almost looks like she's having trouble keeping her tongue in her mouth and crosses her eyes. It's weird.

9. I literally just LOLed at Edward making a Really Intense Mad Face when he first meets Bella.

10. There's a random dude, I think his name is Tyler if my obsession memory is correct, who insulted Bella's truck, then kissed her on the cheek without warning or invitation, and now he threw a Twizzler at her while she was trying to read. Dude. Don't be such a jerk.

11. "Ice doesn't really help the uncoordinated." Okay, I feel you Bella. Probably one of her most relatable moments.

12. Okay, this whole introduction encounter with Edward and Bella in Biology is beyond awkward. His accent is bizarre (sorry RPats), Bella is super accusatory toward basically a stranger, she does the face/tongue thing at least 3 times, and Edward asks extremely personal questions and she isn't weirded out by it... Get me out of this scene!

13. SOMEONE HELP ME. PETER FACINELLI HAS ME WEAK. THAT ENTRANCE. HIS VOICE. HIS EYES. HIS SMILE. NOT OVER IT.

14. Alright Tyler, I already don't like you and now not only did you almost kill Bella but you're also being obnoxious with the interruptions. Stop.

15. Why does Edward always have to be so brooding? He's got some funny lines. Plus he was way cooler in the books... I think.

16. Not gonna lie, I'm still impressed with the fact that they managed to include the book cover in the movie. A bit corny, but still... kind of cool.

17. Did I once look up the Google pages Bella looks at? You bet I did. They exist.

18. These guys in the alley that corner Bella are actually terrifying. Definitely didn't feel this scared when I watched it years ago.

19. You're telling me that all Edward had to do was GROWL at the guys and they were so afraid they ran away??

20. I mean... Edward is still pretty charming... like when he smiles...

21. "Yes, no. To get to the other side. 1.77245..." Definitely still have this movie memorized.

22. How cold does a person's hand have to be to elicit that strong of a reaction from someone?? Her reaction was really delayed, too.

23. There's the tongue again!

24. Really Edward? You thought Bella needed to see your sparkly skin because it would what? Scare her away? YOU SPARKLE.

25. PUT YOUR TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH BELLA.

26. Bella is actually crazy. He just said he wanted to kill her and she didn't run away screaming.

27. Fell in love?! You've known each other 3 weeks! And Edward never actually said he liked you! What is happening??

28. Okay, irrevocably is a great word and I definitely learned it from reading the back cover of the book a million times over but anytime I use it I can't help but think of Twilight and then I don't want to use it.

29. I can't help but smile when they pull up to school together. His sunglasses? The hair? The jacket? The way he throws his arm around her and talks about breaking the rules? I can't. I'm weak.

30. If I were hearing all of this information about vampires for the first time I would NOT be this calm.

31. The scene where they're cleaning Bella's truck is so cute. It's just so relationship-y!

32. The Cullen house is SO. BEAUTIFUL. And it's real. I want to go there and live there because #HouseGoals.

33. My defenses are definitely weakening. My feelings about Edward are coming back... What is happening to me?

34. This scene with Bella meeting Edward's family is GOLDEN. The jokes. Carlisle. The awkwardness. Edward's faces throughout it all. Carlisle. It's great. I guess not everything about this movie is horrible.

35. But how cool would it be to fly through the trees on your vampire boyfriend's back? Kind of terrifying. But awesome.

36. Stephanie Meyer cameo. Cool then. Annoying now.

37. Bella isn't creeped out AT ALL by the fact that Edward has been slipping in her window and watching her sleep for months??? You haven't even been speaking for that long! Girl, please.

38. Charlie is honestly the best part of this movie. Don't argue with me on this one.

39. THE BASEBALL SCENE. CARLISLE. UGH. Also, I don't know how many times I tried to pitch a baseball like Alice Cullen with the graceful kick beforehand.

40. I don't have anything to say... I'm actually invested in all of this drama with James. It's getting intense.

41. How does Bella's hair always look good??? Jealous.

42. I've been in many a dance studio in my day and I have no idea what kind of ballet studio this is supposed to be. Why are there standing mirrors in the middle of the room? Where are the barres? I guess it's cool for the scene but totally impractical as an actual studio.

43. Did Bella really think that pepper spray was going to stop a vampire?? Come on.

44. Some of the flying effects are a little lame.. I can practically see the ropes they're attached to. And I didn't realize that vampires could jump and land in slow motion.

45. Why would you pull out the piece of glass that's preventing you from bleeding out Bella? Also I know she's writhing in pain and everything but she's keeps doing the tongue thing.

46. I can't imagine how weird this must have been to film. "Mr. Pattinson please bite Ms. Stewart's wrist and just suck on it. Ms. Stewart writhe on the ground and stare at him the whole time." WEIRD.

47. If I was Bella's mom I would get her psychological help if she told me she wanted to go back to Forks after all of this.

48. Okay, all of this happened in like 2 months. Bella got to Forks in March. It ends at prom which usually happens around May. That's a little ridiculous. Can you say moving too fast?

49. Why did these couples randomly decide to leave the dance floor? They were enjoying a perfectly nice slow dance and then they just suddenly stop and leave.

50. GIRL. Did you really think Edward was about to turn you into a vampire in the middle of a gazebo at your high school prom??? You actually experienced what that felt like and you still thought that was going to happen? Really? How thick are you?? Ugh.

Aaaaaaaand credits!

Okay. That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It certainly wasn't a piece of cinematic genius but it had some redeeming scenes and characters. I invested so much of my time and love to this series so it's impossible for me not to have a soft spot for it, no matter how ridiculous it is. I can't believe I thought this was a quality movie at one point but it's nice for a good laugh every once in a while and could definitely be considered a guilty pleasure... maybe even one of my guilty pleasures. And there's a small part of me that is still "unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen."