America is in need of change. Our media is littered with stories of hatred. Men and women who have dedicated their lives to protecting and serving the American people are being targeted and killed. Violence against minorities has become commonplace, causing outrage across the nation. Peaceful protests are meeting disastrous ends and nearly every day social media is plastered with thoughts and prayers for victims of the most recent act of violence. America is in need of change.
Fortunately, we are at a crossroads. With the election in the not so distant future, we as Americans have the opportunity to make that change. However, what has become more frightening to me is, despite the bigotry, some people believe Donald Trump is the man who will make the changes we need. I am a firm believer that this is not the case. In fact, here are 50 things I would rather do than vote for Donald Trump in the upcoming election:
1. Be cellmates with Piper Chapman.
2. Drink the tap water in Mexico.
3. Only eat at Chili's for the rest of my life.
4. Sunbathe in a parka during a Texas summer.
5. Be Ryan Seacrest trying to high five a blind man.
6. Act out every Cards Against Humanity card.
7. Recreate "127 Hours."
8. Have to do the stair master for more than 10 minutes.
9. Clean a frat house after a party using only my mouth.
10. Play a game.
11. Have "Photograph" by Nickelback stuck in my head forever.
12. Have nightmares every night for the rest of my life.
13. Vote for Ted Cruz.
The first indicator that something was very wrong in this election's primaries was when I wanted Ted Cruz to win the Republican nomination.
14. Eat Carolina Reapers, the world's hottest pepper, for every meal.
15. Build an entire house out of toothpicks.
16. Save my first kiss for marriage.
17. Die alone and have my carcass eaten by cats.
18. Be best friends with Tomi Lahren.
19. Be in the middle of The Human Centipede.
20. Go skydiving without a parachute.
21. Be Steve Harvey at Miss Universe 2015.
22. Or, be the wrongfully crowned Miss Universe 2015.
23. Have to wear Crocs for the rest of my life.
24. Have to have a whole conversation with this guy.
25. Drink beer through a straw.
26. Have a bird poop on my car every time I wash it.
27. Be Justin Bieber's tour manager.
28. Be Ross Geller. Or friends with Ross Geller.
29. Compete against Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games.
30. Have hangnails on all my fingers.
31. Have to watch commercials.
32. Only buy meat at The Sharper Image.
RIP Trump Steaks.
33. Have all 1,000 of my Facebook friends get engaged.
34. Have as many emotions as the loser in the velor tracksuit.
That's me, P.S.
35. Scratch hundreds of mosquito bites until they bleed.
36. Wax off my eyebrows.
37. Fall asleep while eating cereal outside on a hot summer day.
38. Have 30 missed calls from my mom.
39. Get into a tickle fight with Edward Scissorhands.
40. Go on a date with Chad Johnson.
I'd be okay with this.
41. Be surrounded by puppies that I can't pet.
42. Take cold showers for the rest of my life.
43. Juice a jalapeño and soak my contacts in it overnight.
44. Snort glitter.
45. Break the world record for goldfish gulping.
46. Have bed bugs you can't get rid of.
47. Be Charlie and Frank's third roommate.
48. Have to drink Barefoot Moscato every time I go out.
49. Cheer for Iowa the day after Thanksgiving. #GoBigRed!
50. Vote for Hillary Clinton.
Don't get me wrong, I am not Hillary Clinton's biggest fan. I find her terribly impersonal and inconsistent. However, I encourage everyone to do some research and take some time to consider who is the bigger of two evils. I've made up my mind.
