Whether you’re someone who has dedicated your life to theater, or just a few weeks of your last summer to a community production of "Cats," you know the stress and the joy of tech week. For those of you who don’t know, tech week is essentially the last week before a play opens, where all of the technical elements of the show are added in and the finishing touches are made. This usually means calls that are eight hours or longer, no sleep, bizarre eating patterns and a general coming apart at the seams for all involved. (But hey, that’s art, right?) Symptoms of tech week include: reacting irrationally to minor misfortunes (ex. the dining hall running out of lasagna and falling to your knees in tears), sleeping in strange places (ex. under the dressing room counters on your co-stars backpacks), half-assing everything else in your life (ex. writing a list for your weekly Odyssey article) and questioning everything in your life. Below I have included 50 questions you have probably asked yourself during tech week.
1. When was the last time I showered?
2. Do I have homework?
3. Do I care if I have homework?
4. Which classes am I going to skip?
5. Is that smell my costume?
6. Does hairspray work like dry shampoo?
7. Do I have to pee? The runs about to start—I should try to pee, right?
8. Should my pee be this color?
9. You can get pimples there?
10. Are people going to hate this show?
11. How many bunch-a-crunches are too many bunch-a-crunches?
12. Is getting into costume five minutes before the show fine? It's fine, right?
13. What does the sun feel like?
14. When is the last time I drank water?
15. What am I going to do when this is over?
16. Are these real feelings or exhaustion feelings?
17. Can you see my underwear through my costume?
18. Do I really want to sleep with him/her, or have I just spent too much time with these people?
19. Is this rash from stage makeup or stress?
20. What do Red Bull and coffee taste like mixed together?
21. Is this my sweat or someone else’s?
22. Will my stage manager cradle me like a baby if I cry?
23. Can I nap between scenes?
24. Do I have friends who aren’t in this play?
25. Do they know I’m alive?
26. Does my mom know I’m alive?
27. How expensive of a restaurant can I get away with going to with my mom after the show?
28. Am I gay or is that just my character?
29. What if my acting teacher is in the audience? What if she thinks I suck?
30. Which show is that cute boy going to be at?31. Do I have to pee or am I just nervous?
32. What if I pee myself on stage?
33. Do I think the lighting designer is cute because he is or because he has a tool belt on?
34. Am I losing my voice?
35. Do I sound sexier because I’m losing my voice?
36. Am I still fresh despite having to wear these pilgrim boots?
38. Should stage combat leave bruises this big?
39. Is this bobby pin drawing blood?
40. Can I wear this makeup to sleep?
41. Can I not wear make up tomorrow?
42. Is the director looking at me or the lights?
43. Am I crying because I’m a good actor or am I just crying?
44. How uncomfortable is my dad going to be watching my homosexual make-out scene?
45. Why did I ask my friends to come see this?
46. Will the audience notice if I don’t shave my legs?
47. Do baby wipes count as a shower?
48. Am I shaking because I’m nervous or because I’ve had too much coffee?
49. Why did I decide to do this?
50. Why would I ever want to do anything else?
