1. You ask your friends to take their shoes off when they enter your dorm or apartment.
2. Your dad tells you that he had a shirt "just like the one that you are wearing" back when he was in college.
3. You shop at Sam's Club.
4. You offer to cook dinner for your roommates on a daily basis.
5. Speaking of food, when you have friends over you always provide chips and dips and those little salami rolls with the cream cheese in them.
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6. You ask your roommate, "Did you really need that seventh shot?"
7. And you remind her that homework comes before playtime.
8. You're ready for bed by 9 p.m.
9. Thinking about your finances gives you anxiety.
10. When you watch a football game, your only comment is, "God, boys, would you just cut your hair?"
11. And you tell your male friends/brothers to shave their faces.
12. You've recently taken to wearing khakis.
13. You're thinking about investing in the stock market.
14. You find it difficult to sleep in past 8 a.m.
15. You say things to your little siblings like, "when I was young," and, "back in the day."
16. You just figured out iOS 5.
17. You are tipsy after one glass of wine.
18. You think pop music is "crap" and cartoons "aren't what they used to be."
19. You watch "Dancing with the Stars."
20. When you are with a group of peers, your conversations involve 401Ks, unions, the weather or that strangely colored mole on your left shoulder.
21. You frequently say to yourself, "Gee, when I was younger, I thought I'd look a hell of a lot better at this age than I do right now."
22. You say, "I'll pass, thank you," when someone offers you dessert.
23. You can't stomach vodka anymore.
24. When you see young parents out with their children, you stare longingly at their babies and think to yourself, "I want one of those."
25. You wear long underwear proudly.
26. You take a daily multi-vitamin...and sometimes fiber supplements to keep everything moving along smoothly.
27. You wake up some mornings with mysterious back pain.
28. It takes you all day to recover after a Friday night out.
29. Speaking of Friday nights out, going out is becoming a real chore. Red wine and an 18th-century romance novel sound like a more pleasant Friday night activity.
30. You notice that your hairline is receding.
31. You "share" recipes on your Facebook wall.
32. And make statuses that chronicle every trivial life event in painful detail.
33. And leave unnecessary comments on other people's photos that more closely resemble greeting cards than anything that should ever be posted on social media.
34. You just grabbed a pamphlet for a water aerobics class that the gym is hosting every Saturday morning.
35. You are actually productive on the weekends.
36. You realize you better cut back on the snacks because your metabolism can't keep up forever.
37. Certain tomato-based foods give you indigestion.
38. You've decided that Crocs really are a practical footwear option.
39. You spend the majority of your time doing one of two things: working or complaining about going to work.
40. My goodness, is that a gray hair?
41. You go out for dinner between the hours of 4:30 p.m. and 6:00 p.m.
42. You eat things like prunes and quinoa and blackened salmon.
43. When you spend time with your friends, you play poker or go golfing or visit those fancy paint-and-drink-wine venues together.
44. You hate crowds.
45. Brunch is your favorite meal.
46. You sport high-waisted pants because "they are comfortable," and, "they keep me all tucked in."
47. You asked for a crock pot for Christmas last year.
48. The pair of underwear that you are currently wearing is white and came in a 24-pack from Walmart.
49. Beer is simply not palatable unless it costs you over $20 for the case.
50. You are slowly realizing that your mom and dad understand you more than anyone else.
Love you 10 tons, Ma and Pop.
