After 2 and a 1/2 years at Troy University, I've really honed in on the hot topics on campus. The campus is about as big as the city itself, which is located in the middle of nowhere in South Alabama. Word moves quickly, and –as a Global Business major– I feel as though I'm a bit qualified to speak on some vital questions concerning our student community.
1. Did any English professor NOT go to Oxford?
2. Why are not we Troy State University?
3. Are we like....Troy International or something?
4. Who donated money for the multi-million dollar dorm with huge TVs in every room?
5. If no one donated money, why didn't we build more parking around the building property?
6. For real though, there are a good 60+ parking spots hidden in all that grass and "beautification" around the New Hall. Why not more parking, too?
7. Who paid for all those Chinese Terra Cotta Warriors?
8. Why didn't we get Trojan Warriors instead?
9. I feel like a few hundred Trojan Warriors designed by that Chinese guy would have made more sense, we have three Trojan statues on campus?
10. Why are we upgrading the stadium?
11. Forget upgrading; why are we adding seats?
12. Will the seats be padded?
13. Can that be the new student section?
14. Does Kevin terrorize faculty and staff, too?
15. Can Kevin be our non-Trojan mascot?
16. Can Kevin be an honorary member of the dance squad? I think he deserves it, TBH.
17. If Jack Hawkins is the Chancellor, who is the Supreme Chancellor?
18. And who is the Senate?
19. Why do RAs still make bulletin boards?
20. Why don't they put announcements and bulletin board material up on the TVs in the dorm lobbies?
21. Why does the WiFi suck?
22. Why is the WiFi not as bad as it used to be?
23. Are we contracting people or is the IT department just better?
24. If Clemson barely beat us, but they barely Alabama, was the Clemson-Troy game rigged?
25. You do realize future President Neil Brown deserves better than a rigged Clemson-Troy game?
26. Can you tell Coach Brown thanks for being a part of the Trojan Spirit? He's really brought us all together, and the student body is really proud of the football team.
27. Why don't I get designated parking, as an RA?
28. I feel like, if I'm required to have immediate access to my building, I should have immediate parking, yes?
29. Why does SAGA get surprisingly better when all the high schoolers or elementary kids show up for band camps and tours?
30. Can we have peaches and vanilla ice cream 24/7?
31. Why is there a backdoor to Herb's Place?
32. If it's a backdoor, why won't it open?
33. Why do we have an informal no-hat policy?
34. Can we a have formal hats-on policy? I have long hair, and I'm sure my classmates would appreciate it not brushing against them for 50+ minutes just because I can't wear my hat in class, plus I get tired of moving out of my face, mouth, nose, and eyes.
35. BTW, is there any chance we could get more parking?
36. Let's say I was going to build a parking deck/lot off-campus with decent security, low fees, and bus service....would you consider building parking then?
37. Can we have a pretty parking deck? I've seen multiple low cost, high-visibility, eco-friendly parking deck designs we could use, since parking garages aren't aesthetic enough as is.
38. Why are online classes so much more expensive? It's not like the professor has to get dressed for class, and I know answering emails is not THAT hard, right?
39. Why does Dr. Kaylor still have a job? I enjoyed his classes, but seriously, that guy is something else.
40. Are there any chances of repercussions for writing this article? It is light-hearted material....you know, all in good fun.
41. Can we get heavily discounted trips to international campuses and facilities? I could help teach entry level music, English, or business classes? Maybe I just missed something amongst all those "all-staff" emails I get, which I'm not supposed to receive...btw.
42. Why do some of the band kids have scholarships they don't qualify for?
43. Why don't I have the scholarship that I qualify for and wish I had?
44. I went and talked to Administration and stuff, but everyone said there was nothing they could do. Seriously, is there anything I can do to get that scholarship that some other kid has but didn't qualify for?
45. Why is life bleak and hopeless?
46. Can we host President Donald Trump at least once before I graduate?
47. Will anyone read this?
48. Is this all a dream and we really have more parking lots?
49. Is Chancellor Hawkins secretly Supreme Chancellor Palpatine? I noticed they both have white hair and nice suits?
50. Is there any chance we could get some MinuteMaid Fruit Punch soda at Herb's Place?
