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50 First Thoughts On The Season Premiere Of Bachelor In Paradise

haha. Paradise. OKAY.

Aug 15, 2016

50 First Thoughts On The Season Premiere Of Bachelor In Paradise

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As The Bachelorette drew to a close, I found myself feeling a little lost (I know I am pathetic). What was I supposed to look forward to on Monday's? Who can I make fun of now if not The Bachelor Interns? Where is my weekly drama? Well, I found it. The Bachelor in Paradise. Yes, here we go, season 3 of all of The Bachelor and Bachelorette rejects on an island looking for love. So here we go, my thoughts on the season premiere of The Bachelor In Paradise.

1. WHY DID THEY LET EVAN ON THIS AGAIN.

2. ...Evan...the banana wasn't funny in the intro. Actually vomiting.

3. Crap...I still don't know which twin is which.

4. CARLY YOU WASTED A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE...BACHELOR INTERNS STOP THIS MADNESS.

5. Lol Chris Harrison..You can't speak Spanish...stop.

6. The twins should probably stop now.

7. Jubilee, girl I have RBF too...I feel for you <3.

8. Literally cannot get over Evan. Please go home. Quit. You look like a used Q-tip.

9. CHAD.

10. LACE.

11. WHO. LET. THEM. ON. THIS. SHOW.

12. Nick is actually my favorite for pointing out how dumb Daniel is.

13. I actually forgot how much I love Amanda...she's a little cute sunshine ball of lovely.

14. Chris...please don't call them "the cast" it really takes away from me trying to get into the show.

15. AMANDA DID NOT JUST SAY EVAN IS CUTE IN PERSON. GIRL NAH.

16. Daniel you would love the twins.

17. Literally only like Amanda and Jubilee. ugh.

18. Jubilee you can go on a date with Jared but I saw the previews, we all know Kayla ends up with him.

19. INTERNS WHAT THE HELL IS THIS DATE.

20. PIÑATAS...WHHYYY

21. WHO TF IS THIS CLOWN.

22. Worst. Idea. Ever. WE SEE YOU INTERNS.

23. ...Izzy????????????????????????????????

24. I actually kind of like Carly... get it girl.

25. Maybe Chace will be okay because Lace can beat up Chad?

26. Grant don't act like you don't wanna be with Lace rn. I watched the previews.

27. Jared kind of looks like his face was pushed together when he was a baby and then it got stuck like that.

28. Why is Jared such a hot commodity?

29. Maybe Chad and Daniel will find love here...yeah.

30. Hey Lace...was it instant?

31. Is Evan really looking through Chad's bags rn..

32. Evan. You're a pansy.

33. Lace stop being crazy to Grant.

34. Omg omg omg Chad + Lace hahaha.

35. I wonder if they ever run out of alcohol.

36. When do they all eat? All I see is alcohol.

37. Chad and Lace are definitely hurricanes.

38. Vinny and Izzy are cute though.

39. I agree with Nick...God was like F**k it when he made Chad.

SARAH.

42. Drunk Chad is the real Chad. And I still hate him.

43. HAHAHAHA CHAD CRAPPED HIS PANTS.

44. Okay...I am ready for the next episode.

45. Chad Why do you have to be like this.

46. So...How did Jubilee and Jared's date go????

47. Yeah Amanda you tell it how it is. Chad is an Adult. You mom it out girl. Respect.

48. ARM-Y MCARMERSON. YOU DID NOT JUST CALL HER THAT.

49. Note to self: All Chad's are bad.

50. BYE CHAD.

There you have it Bachelor Nation. You know you thought it too.

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50 First Thoughts On The Season Premiere Of Bachelor In Paradise

haha. Paradise. OKAY.

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We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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