Many people understand anxiety and depression, but many people don’t. It’s amazing to me that there are still so many misconceptions about mental illnesses, but society has made progress; talking about mental illnesses is not as taboo and looked down upon as it once was. Some people can say without hesitation to a friend that they struggle with a mental illness; however, many people cannot.

A prominent reason those with mental illnesses feel they cannot talk to their friends or family members about what they’re struggling with is that the friends or family members, more often than not, do not understand what they are going through. Now, this is not time to get defensive. Many people try their absolute best to understand what a loved one might be going through, but ultimately, to truly understand a mental illness, it takes listening (not giving advice), time, and/or, having had one yourself.

There are assumptions about mental illnesses, specifically depression and anxiety, that are far from the truth. Although one might not try to be so far off with these assumptions, they often come from not listening to what their loved one is saying or having preconceived notions about the illnesses. Here are a few assumptions and things I’ve heard friends and family members say to other friends with mental illnesses:

1. Everybody gets depressed at some point in their life.

This is true. Most adults feel some type of depression at least once in their lifetime, and Major Depressive Disorder affects about 14.8 million American adults in a given year. Minor depression is very common, as is major depression. There are differences, however, in the types of depression one can feel. There’s seasonal depression, major depression, and so on. Each depressive episode is as important to recognize as the next. However, those with a deeper form of depression have an increased chance of having repeated depressive episodes in their lifetime. It is often due to a chemical imbalance in their brain; something that may have been dormant and triggered from an outside event or something they have been dealing with their whole life. So yes, most people get depressed at some point in their life. But some people suffer with depression every day, and it’s much different that a situational type of depression.

2. Can’t you just take medicine to fix it?

Medicine, depending on the illness and the person, can be an effective and sometimes necessary to treat someone. However, medication by no means is an end-all-be-all. Some studies show that the combination of medication and a form of therapy is an effective way to battle a mental illness such as anxiety or depression (key word: battle, not overcome).

3. It’s all in your head.

This is probably one of the worst things you can tell someone suffering from a mental illness. Not only is it not completely accurate, but it could potentially make them feel alone and misunderstood. Although it technically is “all in the head” of someone who suffers from a mental illness, one's perspective needs to be broader than that. It’s something in their mind that they can fight but cannot always control. It is hard to fight against your own head, so it doesn’t make much sense for someone suffering to try to achieve the mindset of it being “all in their head.“ It is very much real to them.

4. It’s because you don’t have religion.

A lot of people who have a mental illness don’t have religion. A lot of people who have a mental illness do have religion. Not being religious isn’t mutually exclusive to those that suffer with a mental illness; there are plenty Americans who are and are not religious and do not suffer from any type of mental illness. It’s true that humans are spiritual beings, so it’s encouraged, especially for depression and anxiety, to practice mindfulness or potentially practice some form of religion. It helps some, not all. Religion is not the reason why someone is or isn’t depressed.

5. It’s not as bad as you think.

Who are you to judge what is going on in someone’s mind? It might be physically hard for them to wake up and function every morning, hard to make phone calls or hard to go to class. The way that their brain operates and the things their minds tell them might be a little different than what your mind tells you, but serious mental illness, as previously stated, is not about perspective (especially the perspective of someone not dealing with it). Instead of telling someone that it’s not as bad as they think, don’t discredit how they feel. Try to understand it instead.

Mental illnesses are tricky, but they need to be talked about. The reason why there are so many misconceptions about them is because the conversation is rarely encouraged. Next time a loved one tells you they think they might be struggling with depression, anxiety, or possibly something else, remember this and remember that there is more to mental illness than preconceived ideas.