Millenials, am I right or am I right? With their edgy haircuts and smartphones, they are truly the world's greatest terror. Nevermind the climate change that my generation propelled or the oil crisis we caused with our addiction to cheap fuel. These kids are just the worst.
1. They're always texting or Snapchatting or Tweeting.
Gosh darn millennials and the fact that they're using technology to talk to people that aren't physically right there next to them. It could even be someone they haven't even met in real life. There's nothing you can't say to that person on the other side of the globe that you can't say to this perfectly friendly tree that's right next to you. The idea that you'd want to talk to anyone that's in a different place than you is just wrong. Obviously, there's no reason to broaden your horizons beyond the same 200 homogenous people in your town or neighborhood. Why can't you just go through the long and tedious process of taking a picture of something you find funny with a film camera (none of that digital crap), waiting for it to get developed, writing out a caption, and sending it through the mail to someone? It will only take ten days. You young'uns have no patience. As I always say, "The old way of doing things is always better because it's what is more comfortable."
(There's no reason for technology to have progressed beyond the radio. And the TV for sports. Because really, do you think I'm going to go all the way to the stadium when I want to watch a game?)
2. They're too soft and easily offended.
It used to be that you could call your friends, acquaintances, enemies, and random strangers offensive and derogatory terms that stemmed from generations of being told that their social or ethnic group is inferior to yours without any social repercussions. Now, some upstart youngster is always telling you, "hey, that's really not ok" or "hey, man, maybe you shouldn't be treating everyone that's different from you with disdain and you should instead be accepting the fact that you are the product of generations of racism and xenophobia and acknowledging that it's not the 1800's anymore." I mean, sheesh, I should be allowed to call people whatever I want. Instead, millennials say that we need to practice being more inclusive and accepting as a society and that includes being respectful of other cultures and celebrating the diversity they bring. Diversity? Inclusion? Sense of perspective? Common decency? All these newfangled ideas just make me so frustrated.
3. They're always protesting something.
Back in my day, we had real things to protest - like the war and the treatment of blacks and gays.
I mean, I never joined in the protests because I'm opposed to social change and progress, but I guess in a historical context they're important.
Fracking and global warming and innocent people getting killed by cops and the fact that people aren't guaranteed a living wage are such millennial problems. It's so typical of them to make a problem out of nothing.
4. They always act like they deserve a medal even though they're lazy.
Even though workplace productivity is higher than ever and a large part of that is due to recent college graduates, every time I see them they're always watching Netflix. I don't understand why they spend all their time watching comedy shows and feel-good movies and movies with all that life lesson crap when they could be watching sports or infomercials.
It's certainly not the fault of parents like me that coddled our children and let them believe that they could have anything they wanted. It's got nothing to do with the fact that we got mad at the teachers and soccer coaches that didn't make our kid feel like they were special and entitled to a prize. See, we just knew that our kid was better than all the other anklebiters out there. It was only fair that he had a prize to prove it.
5. They always have things handed to them.
Just last week, one of my buddies lost a position for a marketing manager to a snot nosed kid that had just graduated from an Ivy League.
I don't understand what my friend did wrong. He complimented the female interviewer quite profusely and said that he would make sure they didn't lose any more jobs to the Chinese. He said she confused him for a bit when she started asking about social media, but he recovered by suggesting they do what everyone's always done: putting color full-page ads made with WordArt in the paper and dancing outside in a costume.
He said that after his interview, the upstart little punk started chatting to the interviewer and telling her about how he completed his bachelor's and master's program in 5 years while working at the library 20 hours a week since he was on workstudy. What a little show-off. These kids are just so arrogant and always assume they have it harder than anyone else. Nevermind the fact that even at that high-paying job it'll take him years to pay off the loans he accumulated. When I went to college, I was smart. I only took out loans I needed and paid it back working for the job my dad gave me. It only took me one summer.
