'Love is in the air,' as some may say — actually, it’s oxygen, but whatever. I believe just in time people get into relationships only to post photos or statuses for social media to perp like they’re actually happy in life. This new concept of "relationship goals" has taken over 2016. I find it rather interesting people would rather fantasize about another person's relationship than fix the one they are in. No other relationship should be your relationship goal but your own.
Fix what's in front of you and maybe your relationship will be someone else's goal. I find it almost sad and pathetic people go through so much to impress strangers on the internet. Now I am a firm believer that social media does not ruin relationships. However, I do believe it can be a contributing factor on why many relationships do not work out.
When you think about it more relationships tend to end, rather than progress or begin, during the holidays. Ironically we joke about why couples break up, but have no clue what goes on behind closed doors. “Maybe he didn’t want to buy a present,” “Maybe he or she cheated” and so on. I come to believe people break up because they simply don’t want to give up the “I” for “We” and, in the end, cause a drift of separation in the relationship.
I am no therapist or doctor to know anything for sure. I am simply a girl who has been down a break up road herself to understand what’s it’s like. Couples break up for numerous reasons, but I have created a guide to help you get to the next step in your relationship.
1) Stop Being Selfish
When it comes to being selfish, I don’t mean in the romantic sense of being clingy or only wanting that person. I mean it in the most literal sense of having a lack of consideration for others or only being concerned with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
In a relationship, you give up the “I” for “we” and become a union. What people don’t understand is a relationship is no different from a marriage. The only difference is the wedding band that symbolizes a commitment. A relationship shouldn’t be difficult — if only being with one person seems to be a problem for you, then leave. No one is forcing you to be anywhere you do not want to be.
At some point, you have to realize it’s not about you anymore and it’s about the other person. In a couple, everything your partner does should be of top concern. No matter how big or small.
2) Be Honest
The truth hurts like hell, but lying only hurts you in the end. It has to be hard to be a habitual liar — too many things can go wrong. For instance, you have to remember the lie you tell and then keep up with that lie. This type of skill should be a crime. I applaud people who can lie that easily without flinching or batting an eye. It takes guts, my friend.
Imagine sitting in an interrogation room being asked the same question over and over. You know the saying, the truth will set you free. Literally. Honesty is what saves relationships even if it hurts your partner’s feelings. So, what if your partner snores like a grizzly bear or has morning breath throughout the day? Tell them the truth. Help them be a better person.
Now, don't confuse being honest with being a jerk. You're floating on a very thin line if you think they are the similar. Honesty is meant to build your partner up, not bring them down. Proper honesty should consist of small considerations you believe your partner should make, like in the bedroom, for example. If your partner kisses your neck and every time they do it, it makes you want to curl up into a ball and cringe. As much as it will kill you to tell your partner, that's honesty. You never know, maybe your partner doesn't like kissing your dirty neck anyway, but does it because they think you like it. It's a twisted world out here. By being honest you could be saving your neck-phobia and them.
3) Compromise
It does not kill to be considerate, but the way people act you’ll think it was like asking for a kidney. It’s amazing how people expect the world, but won’t even give up one star. People view compromising as a form of “selling out” or “changing” when it’s not. A compromise in a relationship is just like sharing a blanket; you don’t want them to be cold so you share. It’s quite simple if you compromise correctly.
A compromise should never require a person to change who they are or make them feel like that is the end goal. Compromises should be a simple exchange of respect and understanding. Respect for what your partner is asking for and understanding why they are asking for it. Many people take compromises too far when they require their partner to uproot themselves into a new situation that was not apart of the agreement. Whether that is a change of location, environment, or other.
4) Stay Committed
Staying committed should be common sense in a relationship, however, most people tend to have problems with this concept. You can't step out on your partner numerous times and expect the relationship to grow. And it shouldn't matter if you get away with it, because cheating should never cross your mind. I'm all for looking and not touching, but once you cross that boundary it's game over my friend. Even if you apologize a thousand times it won't change what you did. Your partner will never look at you the same again.
Did you know cheating doesn't have to be physical; it can be emotional too. I don't think one is worse than the other, but cheating emotionally is something completely else. It's like giving your partner half your heart and keeping the rest for yourself, because there is no way you can be completely in love with someone and not give them your all. Your all means giving yourself to them spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Now whether in your case that means eliminating all your social media to avoid old ex's or crushes is entirely up to you; whatever it takes to save your relationship.
All relationships are built on trust without it you have nothing.
5) Give The Love You Seek
The Bible verse from Luke 6:31 states “Do to others as you would have them do onto you.”
This is probably by far the most relevant quote to describe how to love. Although, the real problem with this love concept is no one ha ever experienced it, truly. We may have all had a glimpse of what we believed to be love, but usually we were wrong. I think it's safe to say we have all experienced "puppy love" at some point in our lives and let me tell you puppy love is awful. Awful in the sense that it kept you up at night thinking. Wondering if that person felt the same way as you or if they were thinking about you in that same moment. Puppy love is a hell of a drug.
In the puppy love phase we believed it meant you were suppose to be head-over-heels for that person. Wanted to be around that person 24/7, walk down the street holding hands and kissing. Puppy love taught us how to be completely attached to someone as if you two were joined at the hip. Crazy over then with late night phone calls ending in "you hang up first, no you" type of love.
Although, what puppy love did not teach us was how to love the person we're with. Love is a complicated term with a complicated meaning. I don't think none of us will ever get it right, but we can try. Loving someone is giving them your last twenty dollars and telling them you had forty. Smiling every time you see their name pop-up on your lock screen on your phone. Love is wanting the best for that person even if that means not being with you. Love is making sure they got home safely and motivating them to become more in life. Pushing them every day to be better than they were the day before. Love is complicated. Love is easy. Love is everything and nothing at the same time. Love is accepting that person for who they are flaws and all and having them accept you.
Love is love.
Are you willing to risk it all for them?
If this doesn't make you want to do things differently in your relationship odds are your relationship is not worth saving. Everything has an end, but they also have a beginning. Keep your head high and your legs closed my friend. You'll find your sunshine one day, because what's a moon without the sun-incomplete.
