Oftentimes when someone is in an abusive relationship, especially if it is emotionally abusive, they don’t realize it. Or, they DO realize it, but they are afraid to do something about it or don’t know what to do about it.

Other times, someone may just not know they are in an abusive relationship.

When I was 15, I began dating someone who, over the seven years of our relationship, would emotionally manipulate me. Everyone told me there was something wrong and the relationship wasn’t healthy, but I kept making excuses for my ex-boyfriend.

And unfortunately, that’s usually how it goes.

If you are in a relationship and you suspect it is emotionally abusive or manipulative, I’ve compiled a list of things that could mean you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship.

You’re constantly being told everything is your fault.

It is normal for couples to fight. It is normal for them to have disagreements. The problem is when your significant other is clearly at fault, yet somehow, they find a way to make it all your fault. They blame you for things that they did or they simply just put all the blame on you for the argument, even though you really had nothing to do with starting it or with anything that may have caused the argument.

Your significant other dismisses your feelings.

A lot of significant others that are emotionally manipulative or abusive will dismiss their partner’s feelings and act as if they don’t exist. A popular theme is the significant other calling their partner “crazy” for expressing how they feel when in reality, how they feel is completely valid and realistic. If you are in a relationship where your significant other is dismissing your feelings, you need to sit down and have a talk with them – if that is even possible – or decide to move on and find a healthier relationship where your feelings are validated and respected.

There is a vicious cycle of abuse, then apology, then abuse again.

One of the most common things I have experienced in the abusive relationships I’ve been in has been a vicious cycle where I am treated poorly, then my significant other will apologize profusely for their behavior, telling me it will “never” happen again, and then two weeks later, we are having another abusive situation again. These cycles are all too normal when it comes to abusive relationships, and if this is something you’ve observed in your own relationship, it is time to think long and hard about what type of relationship you actually have.

You have a feeling in your gut that something is wrong.

This may be one of the most important ones. Our guts never steer us wrong, and we were born with an intuition for a reason. If your intuition is telling you that something is wrong with your relationship, and if you are feeling as if you are being emotionally abused, honor that feeling and really think about what is causing it.

You’re beginning to feel depressed, unhappy and unsafe in the relationship.

If you notice your behavior and mood are starting to change, if you’re noticing that you’re starting to feel like your relationship is unhealthy if you’re noticing that you are no longer feeling happy like you once were when your relationship first started, these are warning signs that something deeper is going on in your relationship. Take notice of these and really think about what may be causing them. I’m not saying it is always the relationship, but if you mostly feel these things when you think about your relationship, it may be time to do some deep thinking about what you’re going to do.

I’m not saying it is easy to get out of an abusive relationship. It is very hard, and I am not downplaying that fact. I spent seven years in a manipulative relationship because I was unable to get out of it due to the vicious cycles and manipulation that came along with it. If you are dealing with this type of relationship, please seek some type of help. It may be difficult, but you will be better off in the long run.