So we all watched the second presidential debate on Sunday. If you did not, click here to watch a short two hour stream of it.
Great to have you back.
This way when the economy crashes, or a nuclear war breaks out, or - heaven forbid - women make an equal wage, you will be able to shout "WHO VOTED THAT IDIOT INTO OFFICE?!" without one single shred of guilt.
Here are some ways I found that might help you get out of the election:
1. Marry yourself right out of this country.
With the world wide web keeping everyone connected, who is stopping you from getting on Match.com for the UK? Here you can meet loads of people that still speak English. Just a heads up that you will have to convince them to buy your plane ticket over there and get hitched before November 8th; you better turn the charm on.
Now, marrying someone from a different country doesn't make you NOT a U.S. citizen, but it does give you a reason to live somewhere else. So why even vote if you're not going to be living here? You're welcome.
2 Become a felon.
I know this doesn't sound ideal, but it really is the best of both worlds. At least for those of you that don't think you will be voting in THIS election, but may want to participate in a future election.
You see, according to this article, felons in the state of Minnesota are only allowed to vote after their sentence is up. You could totally commit a non-dangerous felony and get to skip this election. Then, once you have a greater understanding of life - which I'm sure you will after prison - you are free to vote again.
Just be careful - Minnesota only allows you to vote after your prison time is served AND your probation is up. So when your'e calculating how many elections you want to bypass, make sure to factor in parole time as well. Don't say I didn't warn you when you finally decide you'd like to fulfill your civic duty but you're still on parole.
3. Legally leave the country.
I know this is less appealing than the previous suggestion, but I bet some of you are teachers pets and can't bring yourself to commit a felony (me either, thats why I am voting).
I've linked a great article here written by Trish Novicio that walks through some of the easiest countries to immigrate to. Novicio does warn us that it may be difficult, sometimes impossible, to immigrate to certain countries with a felony on your record. So don't go taking my advice and then trying to take hers.
4. Swim, jump, climb, catapult.
I don't know if you heard about some sort of wall being built? But if you are planning on leaving this country, I would do it before said wall is built. So jump, swim or climb, even catapult onto a mattress on the other side if you have to; do whatever you need to do to get out of this place.
5. Move to Cape Breton.
Could it BE any prettier?
Canadian radio host Rob Calabrese may have been joking when he first invited Americans to live in Cape Breton after the election, but he is serious now.
After inviting Americans to the small town of Cape Breton as a joke, Calabrese informs us that he had a surge of over 2,500 letters of interest sent to him inquiring about this opportunity.
In an interview, Calabrese explains that Cape Breton is a culture rich and tight community. Ironically so is prison, but hey you are free to listen to whomever's advice you'd like.
If you'd like to read more about the interview or possibly moving o Cape Breton, click this link.
5. Ship yourself out of here.
I have heard stories about people shipping themselves in crates to their destination. I can only assume this is to cut down on travel expenses or to avoid having the drink cart rammed into your funny bone.
Either way, this is probably one of the most economical ways of leaving the country. You don't need to pay for a passport or have to make someone from another country fall in love with you. You'd also get to skip out on customs and taking off your shoes to walk through security.
You could even bring your pet in their with you.
Whether it be by felony or shipping crate, you can choose to get out of this election.
Now, on the off-chance you think you will be staying in the United States and would like to preform your civic duty and vote, I have attached the link to the Election Assistance Commission website here which lists all states and their corresponding link to the correct voting registration site.
So whatever you choose to do on November 8th:
Caitlin Lilly
