If you’ve experienced trauma, you’ll know that there’s always that one person who, when they find out about it, wants to know everything. And boundaries, especially after something traumatic, can be very difficult to establish. And people who don’t understand can be very persistent. So, here are ways to diffuse the situation when you don’t care to talk about your trauma with someone.
1. “I appreciate your concern, but I can’t talk about it right now.”
Simple, but firm. This is more for the person who you may want to share it with later. If this doesn’t work, try one of the ones below.
2. “I may never be comfortable enough to tell you the details, because it’s very traumatic to relive for me. Please respect that and stop asking.”
This is for the person who wants to know everything. They may be close to you, or they may not. But making it clear that it’s less about you keeping things from them and more about you keeping yourself safe may give them a new perspective.
3. “It’s really clear to me that you don’t have the tools to help me with this, so I’m not going to engage with you any longer.”
I can’t take credit for this one; I heard it from a friend. But it’s a great mantra to know, and it’s one I think everyone who’s experienced trauma should practice. It can be hard once you open up to someone and realize that they weren’t the right person to talk to. This is a good way to shut that conversation down.
4. “I said no. You’re disrespecting my boundaries and it’s time you stopped asking.”
This one is really hard, but it’s firm, and it’s clear. Establishing that they’re crossing a boundary with you may help them understand.
5. “If you’re going to keep asking about this, you can leave.” (Or excuse yourself).
This one may also be very hard to execute, but it’s all about keeping yourself safe, and if you feel that your safety has been compromised, it may be time to leave anyway.
Saying 'no' can be so empowering. I hope at least one of these was helpful. Talking about your trauma is very difficult, and it can be hard to think of the right thing to say in the moment. Try writing some of these down, or memorize them and practice them, so that the next time someone crosses your boundaries, you know what to say to them.
