It's no secret that I've got depression. I write about it. A lot. I've dealt with mental illness in a plethora of ugly forms for most of my life, and at this point, low is just my normal. And that's okay. I deal with it. Like most mentally ill people, I've found my own ways to cope with debilitating depression. I've tried the typical stuff-- more sunlight, more yoga, more prayer-- and while it does help a little, it took some time to find out exactly what worked for my personal brand of illness.

In 2014, I was at my lowest. I was hospitalized for being suicidal. I came very close to having a psychotic breakdown. I nearly lost many of my relationships. I hated myself. I spent the summer home alone watching cartoons. My counselor had been urging me to find something that made me happy, and that's where I found it.

That was the summer I started watching Steven Universe, and nothing had ever helped me so much. More than the antidepressants, more than hospital stay, more than the countless handouts on mental health I had been given. At one counseling appointment, my counselor noticed that I was feeling much better, and she asked me what had changed. I spent the next ten minutes blabbering excitedly about the latest episodes of Steven Universe, and that was when it really hit me that I had found my way of coping.

A couple of years later, and Steven Universe is still my go-to when I get low again. I get so excited when new episodes come out that I can't sit still. I tear up when I try to explain to people what exactly it is I love about this show. It may be silly, but this little cartoon has changed my life in a profound way, and I am so thankful. Any reason to live is a good enough reason, and on the dark days it feels like this show is what's keeping me alive.

It really is amazing what Steven Universe has done for my depression and self hatred. I've learned so much about love and dealing with my emotions. Here's just a few of the lessons I've learned from Steven and the Crystal Gems.

1. There is beauty in everything, and that includes me.

"Rose Quartz believed that there was beauty in everything," is something that's heard pretty often on the show. An entire civil war was started because Rose saw so much good on the Earth, particularly in humans-- even those who don't quite fit up to normal standards of beauty. In fact, Rose fell in love with Greg, an overweight human with a scruffy beard and unruly hair, who literally lives in a van, and she loved him like he was the most beautiful thing on the planet.Image Source: Tumblr

Rose herself is treated like a "space goddess" of love and beauty, and she's overweight. The other gems come in a variety of body shapes, and this is something that never even comes up. They're all so beautiful with their imperfections.

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Amethyst and Steven, two of the main characters, spend plenty of time eating whatever makes them happy while being visibly chubby, and they're still able to rock whatever outfit they're wearing, kick butt, and defend the Earth.

Whenever I feel gross or fat, I think of myself as how Rose Quartz would see me. I'm a part of an amazing planet where so much is possible, and each of my imperfections are a miracle of nature. Rose Quartz would think I'm beautiful, and, often, that's enough to get me through the day.

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2. My mistakes do not define me.

There is not a single perfect character on Steven Universe. They hurt each other, they lash out, they say harmful things, and they make mistakes. Even Rose herself, who is often treated as the epitome of perfection, has done some dark things-- from betraying her friends, hurting Greg, to even killing other gems.

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There have been countless episodes and arcs revolving around characters coming to terms with their own wrong-doings, and forgiveness isn't always easy. It takes time, but each character is always able to come back from their mistakes.

In one notable arc, Peridot, a character who was introduced as villain, and who tried to kill the gems on multiple occasions, slowly learns to trust Steven, and learns to see beauty in Earth. She stumbles and makes mistakes, and her upbringing causes her to say awful things, but she still grows.

When I watch Steven Universe, I'm reminded that there's always room to grow, and that it's never too late to change. I feel so much more hopeful about my future, because I know that there is good in me, and I'm capable of achieving it, regardless of the mistakes I've made.

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3. I am worth love, even when I don't feel like it.

Steven is a special kid. Like his mom, he sees good in everyone. When the other gems wanted to imprison Peridot and refused to trust her, Steven was patient. He understood that she was scared, and he believed that she could be better.

Lapis Lazuli, another gem, struggles with trauma in a way that is very real and can be ugly. She's harsh and doesn't want anything to do with other gems, but Steven is determined to be her friend. He loves her, and he's able to get through to her. Steven is even able to get through to a corrupted gem monster and teaches her to communicate when no one believed he could.

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I've established that each of the gems have made mistakes. Each time, Steven is able to see through the things they think makes them unlovable-- Pearl, who is defective and believes she wasn't good enough for Rose; Garnet, whose very existence is considered an abomination on her home planet; and Amethyst, who was created to destroy the Earth and struggles to overcome her origins.

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Steven does not give up on people. He doesn't only forgive them, but he is with them through the breakdowns. He's been hit away, attacked, and yelled at, but he never wants to leave his friends' side, because he loves them. Steven makes me believe that my bad feelings about myself are just feelings, and just like any bad thought, I can ground myself and watch them go by.

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4. I am not alone.

More than any of the in-show metaphors and lessons, Steven Universe has helped me by giving me a family. The characters are so rich, so complex, and so human (despite most of them being sentient rocks from space), that each time I sit down to watch an episode, I feel like I'm coming home.

The main theme of Steven Universe is love. Love yourself, love the Earth, love others. The gems on Steven Universe have taught me how to find that love, even when it seems impossible. There's no one more supportive than Garnet, no prouder mom than Pearl, no friend more loyal than Amethyst, and no dad more loving than Greg.

I've lived away from home since I was 14, and at times, it can be disheartening to feel so disconnected from my family. But I know that I'll always have the gems, and I'll always have Steven.

Even better, they remind me what love looks like, and I know how to better find it in the real world. They've given me the tools to know good relationships when I see them, and how to find those qualities in everyone. I'm a gentler person now. I make more friends, and I'm more comfortable when they can't be around. I owe my life to the Crystal Gems and the love that is out of anyone's control that's here on Earth.

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