I have had my fair share of experience with distance. One of my biggest challenges has been dealing with the distance between me and my best friend, who currently lives in Spain. Distance is not our worst enemy, but rather time difference.
Nevertheless, I can say that we have been there for each other through our best and worst times, and we have never stopped feeling each other’s loyal company throughout the years.
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Moving to college in the United States also brought new challenges, like being away from my home country and family. Most recently, I have also experienced 7,513 miles of separation from that person I am counting down the days to see. If you are thinking, “You are completely insane,” I’m right there with you, but you know you also want to make it work. Here are some tips I have learned over the years about conquering the distance:
1. Independence/Attachment
Nothing is more important than independence. Now more than ever, you should take this time as an opportunity to become your best self. Once the other person has their own routine, aspirations, and accomplishments, you will have more to talk and feel connected about. You should also take time for yourself during the day, whether it is working on a personal project, reading a book, or watching a movie. Sharing your personal experiences is always important. Being on a personal journey to enrich your body, mind, and soul will complement your relationship with partners, friends, and family.
Avoid attachment. Do not over communicate. Do not make your cell phone your lifeline. Stay in the moment; enjoy it. No need to feel guilty about it.
2. Inspiration/Selfishness
Be a source of inspiration. Always motivate the other person to try new things and explore their surroundings. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say. Allow them to experience your presence and company along the way. Always ask questions and be willing to learn more about their interests and ideas. Use all of means of communication as your aids: send Snapchats, tag them in funny posts, make playlists, and most importantly, call. It might get tough when time difference is a factor, but be willing to move around some scheduling to make room for a call. I know how hard the process is, especially when calling your parents and family while balancing a million things to do at school, but those five minutes could make time slow down and assist you from drowning.
Do not be selfish. Avoid making it all about you. Be sure not to hold the other person accountable for a personal fixation on how they should think and act. Do not hold them back or make them feel guilty about experiencing life around them.
3. Optimism/Illusion
If you want to maintain the relationship, you have to desire and keep a positive attitude about it. Similarly, you should make the other person feel safe and keep their hopes high. Everything should be within a realistic framework, preferably if you set some ground rules to manage your expectations. On the other hand, when things do not go as planned, ensure that you make yourself available for the other person and let them rely on you. Be sure to express your concerns as well.
Do not fall into false illusions. It is not fair to expect certain actions from the other person and hold that against them. Avoid projecting your insecurities onto the other person in a negative way.
4. Trust/Paranoia
Trust is the secret weapon against distance. Honesty is the most important aspect in this situation. You have no way of fully understand the other person's thoughts or actions. This is probably the hardest and trickiest part. First of all, you need to know the other person well. Confirm that they are in the same boat as you, and under what terms. If not, believe me, you will be losing your time. Be open, communicate, and most importantly, learn to trust yourself when managing moments of uncertainty and loneliness.
It is very easy for distance to make people paranoid. Avoid falling into this trap; it will be your end. You will suffer and you will make the other person suffer. Learn to accept the distance and keep your mind where your head is.
5. Purpose/Plans
Finally, it is important to understand that distance has a purpose and that you will eventually get to see that person. Whether it is friend, family, or that someone, you need to guarantee that one day you will realistically get to be next to them. If not, it will be even harder and riskier to navigate through distance.
Do not let your purpose be deterred by fixed plans. Everything could change, and unexpected events might occur. Be ready to have a face to show to these.
It is OK if you cross the line once in a while; no one is perfect. Just remember that distance is temporary. Someday and someway, you will get to see that person. The next time that you are next to your best friend and you hear their laugh, tell them how much you appreciate their friendship. Next time you see your family reunited for a holiday, let them know how much it means to you. And once that countdown hits zero days to see that someone, make every second count.
