I've had plenty of experience with bad friends. Friends that treat you poorly and make you feel worthless. Friends that are able to put down everyone around them and not feel one ounce of guilt. After finishing my first year of college I've grown a lot better at recognizing who these people are before I completely allow them to make their way into my life. I'm proud to say that I have learned that there will always be toxic people around me, but it doesn't mean I have to allow them to affect me.
1. They make you feel bad about yourself ALL THE TIME.
I'm not sure if they're just not sure they are being a horrible person or if they do not care, but toxic friends tend to make you feel bad about yourself - all the time. It really sucks when a person has someone else criticizing them all the time or telling them everything they are doing wrong. Most of the time, a person is doing a good job of critiquing themselves and do not need the extra help. Being surrounded by someone who constantly makes you see every little "bad" thing about you is not healthy.
2. They separate themselves and go to others to complain, but they always manage to act like the VICTIM.
No friendship is perfect because no person is perfect (although I know someone who is very close, ahem *Karla*). One of the ways you know someone is toxic is when they have absolutely no problem going off to other friends and telling them every little thing that you've ever done to hurt them but then seem to forget to mention anything they've ever done. They have this attitude that they are the victim in all situations or that they have done no wrong or can do no wrong. One of the most important things to me is the ability for someone to own up for something they did. If I make a mistake I do not see a reason to pretend I didn't. I would much rather directly attack the situation to try to fix anything that could be fixed.
3. "Not to be offensive but .... *something offensive.*"
Toxic friends are usually not only awful towards their other friends. Toxic people are rude to really almost everyone. When I'm around people that I believe are toxic I constantly hear these negatives statements coming out of their mouths. One of the things that is most disgusting to me is when someone says "not to be offensive, but..." with the option of offensive being filled in by multiple words. The picture above is a prime example of terrible things that toxic people say. Do people really believe that just because they ackowledge that they know what they're about to say is wrong that others are going to forgive them?
4. They try to turn you against your other friends.
It's very possible that toxic friends will attempt to separate you from other friends you have in common. They want this power to control how other people see each other. A person who goes from one group A saying terrible things about group B, and then to group B saying awful things about group A is a toxic person. There's a difference between needing to vent about a situation or two, or completely bad mouthing someone for normally no good reason. Your friends should be able to be mature enough to tell you if something bothers them that you may have done; it's important to be able to learn and grow from your mistakes to make friendships stronger.
5. Actually will say the rudest things to your face too - at least its not behind my back, am I right?
This could be considered similar to number one, because saying something rude to your face would likely make you feel bad about yourself. However, with number one it is more broad because it's not necessarily right to your face. I believe a person is really a toxic influence in your life if they have no problem saying the rudest things directly to you. Sometimes I wonder if I'd rather have them say it to me. Would it hurt less if they only said it to my face? Then you think about it and if they will say it to you then it's likely they'll say it to others as well. A lot of the time, I find myself struggling to get past when someone says something directly to me. I replay the event over and over in my head or hear their terrible words. "No one will ever love you. They only like you because of your butt."
