The term "mental illness" has become such a negative and derogatory term in today's society. Often times, many people will consider those with mental illnesses to be crazy or unstable. Unfortunately for those same people, they don't ever get the chance to know the real person behind their prejudice. This "crazy people" view not only effects the suffers' friendship culture, but highly dictates our dating culture as well.
Often times, especially for women, if the words mental illness are even brought up in a discussion with a prospective partner, it sends that person flying out the door. The girl will then be branded, crazy or as a "psycho ex". Then, there's the issue of being called "clingy." There is a HUGE difference between clingy and suffering from a mental illness. Unfortunately, people rarely know the difference. Clingy is an obsession with a person in a controlling and abusive degree. However, many significant others can't tell the difference. When dating someone with a mental illness, there is a tendency to rely on someone for support. Often times, the insecurity bred by living with a mental illness causes a person to desperately seek affirmation. The obsessive and abusive aspects are not present when dating someone of the mental illness community, but sadly the term "clingy" is something many of us are frequently called.
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However, fear not! There is hope! I've come to share some wisdom and advice on dating someone with a mental illness! So, next time you meet someone, hopefully you don't hurt them and make them feel worse just because they are afflicted.
I have been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for awhile now, and he is superb in dealing with my anxiety and depression. So, I sat down with him, and asked him to give me some tips for others out there dating someone with mental illness!
1. Be Patient!
There will be times where you won't believe they have a mental illness, but then there will be times where nothing seems right with them. You have to understand that life with a mental illness is a rollercoaster. There are highs, lows, twists, turns, and all arounds. You have to be diligent in recognizing that this is part of our every day life, and sometimes we get overwhelmed. You need to be patient with the bad days and understand that when we ask you the same question 100 times, it's because your answer is comforting and we just need to hear some positivity.
2. Learn their triggers.
If you aren't familiar with the term "triggers", it's something that causes an immediate, negative reaction which results in a person reliving a traumatic experience. You need to become familiar with these triggers, and be able to recognize when an episode could occur. This will help you stay calm in this type of situation, but also help your partner stay calm when they are experiencing triggers. Your calmness will be contagious, maybe not immediately, but it will eventually help to calm your partner. Oh! Don't forget to remind your partner to breathe if they are experiencing an episode.
3. Be funny with your partner!
This seems like a "well duh!" kind of thing, but you'd be surprised how often people forget the sheer value of being funny and joking around with your partner. Even if it's a bad day and you can only make them smile for a few minutes. Those few minutes are more important to your partner than you can imagine! Those moments can help soothe and calm your partner in times of stress or episodes by giving them something positive to focus on. I know my boyfriend and I love to get in tickle wars and prank each other all the time. Those moments are what I focus on when I feel sad.
4. Make them feel safe with you.
Often times, people will make someone feel insecure or less than others because they are afflicted by a mental illness. That causes a very deep divide between two people. You have to be able to create a space where your partner feels safe talking to you. I know that if my boyfriend does something that hurt me and caused me to feel a certain way, I can sit him down and explain what he did or said that upset me. He never gets mad or makes me feel bad, he apologizes, and says he will do better. If it was a misunderstanding, he with correct his word use. I feel safe coming to him with anything and I know he will love and support me. He allows me to be myself- my silly, nerdy self- and loves me for exactly who I am.
5. Understand that every mental illness is different.
This article is generalized, and may not apply to every situation. Each person deals with their mental illness as an individual. So, techniques that work with one partner, may not work with another. That's why it's so important to talk to your partner about their mental illness. Ask questions and support them and encourage them to talk to you.
