Holidays are in full swing, everyone! That means lots of family asking you about your significant other and why they haven't met them yet. Or why you don't have any pictures of them. Or why you get shifty-eyed when they bring it up. The holidays are the loneliest time to be alone.

Let me hit you with a few statements and you can tell me when they get too real:

I've been single for a ... while. An amount of time. Lay off.

Oh, my type of romantic partner? Smart, thinks I'm funny even though I'm not, cute, and most certainly not interested in me.

How would I ever ask someone out? They might say no, and that would be the end of my life.

I'm such an uninteresting person that I've been compared to an egg. Except some people still like eggs.

Oh look, someone even mildly attractive to me. Oh look, they're talking to me. Aaaaand I'm in love.

Did anything hit the mark? Some people are perfectly happy to be single, and that's awesome, but for all you out there who live in perpetual fear of dying alone: here are some tips to try on Tinder or whatever dating app/site you choose. My favorite thing about the internet is I can put myself out there while sitting comfortably in Star Wars pajamas. Maybe that's just me, though.

1. Your first picture is everything.

Dating apps are popular. Tinder alone sees 26 million matches a day. No matter who you are, you can see a lot of people. Your first picture is the first impression anyone will get of you, and on an app where the literal purpose is to judge people, it needs to be flawless. Now, I don't mean you have to be flawless in it, but it has to flawlessly represent you in the best way possible. Here's what an ideal first picture will have:

A shot that includes at least some of your body but still has your face clearly visible.

Preferably not a selfie. If you don't have friends to take picture of you, grab a tripod. Friends are now obsolete.

Smile. Please, just smile. Here's a trick for people who don't like their smiles: Get a picture of yourself laughing. Someone will like it, I guarantee it.

Try to get good lighting. You don’t need to be a photography buff, just go outside (it only has to be for a few minutes, I promise).

Cute animals are a huge plus (as long as you don't hate them).

2. Have diverse pictures to follow up.

If someone looks at your other pictures, you’ve already won a minor victory. Your follow-up pictures need to drive things home. As a general rule, try to make pictures at least fairly recent. No one likes a catfish. Here are a few archetypal photos you too can use:

Travel: A fun travel shot in front of a cool monument or nature scene shows you’ve left your bed at least one time. It's also a fun conversation topic.

Body: If you’ve got a nice body, it’s okay to show off. The trick is how you do it. Mirror shots are lame, c’mon. Maybe get a shot at a beach or outdoors somewhere. Something that says, "oops, I just happened to not have my shirt here." Sometimes an effective body shot is also an effective first picture as well, but sometimes it will turn people off. Sit down and figure out what your goals are.

Friends: Ideally you’ve got a couple, grab some pictures with them. If you don’t have any, I’d recommend trying to make some before you date. Join a club or try a sport. Once you’ve somehow managed to convince people you’re worth spending time with, show it off! But do not make your friends pic your first pic. People won't try to guess, they'll just swipe left.

Hobbies: Musical instruments work well no matter who you are. But really, be true to what you like. Just try to get a fun action shot of yourself doing something.

3. Bio: To be funny or actually share something about yourself.

I won’t lie to you, bios are tricky beasts, and nothing you write will ever appeal to everyone. That being said, if you can be funny, very few people are not going to like that. Maybe your style of humor won’t be a hit for everyone, but people who don’t like your lame puns aren’t worth your time anyway. You might want to put a little information about yourself, too. Things like additional hobbies, favorite moves/books/games, even epic dreams you have can all be appealing. Personally, I like to open with a joke and chase with some info, but closing with a joke is equally viable. If you’re not confident in your written jokes then just go with info. What you really need is something, no bio isn’t going to do you any favors.

4. Instagram: Your mileage may vary.

Do you have an active Insta where you post good pics of you and things you like? Cool, connect that. Do you have an Insta focused on art? I say connect that, too; plenty of people appreciate art, and it’s another thing you do. Insta has two major benefits: more pictures of what you look like for the person to confirm what they’re feeling, and more insight into your personality. Unlike the bio, though, not having an Insta connected to Tinder isn’t a kiss of death.

5. Top artists: Think carefully.

Do you feel strongly about your music? Strongly enough that you wouldn’t talk to someone based on their preferences? If yes, then put all your favorite Turkish punk indie hairdryer metal artists on your list. If no, consider whether you want to or not. Remember: there’s no context to your top artists/song. If someone looking at your profile doesn’t like it but thinks you love it, they’re not going to match you to ask if you like something else. Dating apps are all about first impressions, so you have to be wary of putting too much information out there. This only applies when you don’t feel strongly, though. If it matters to you, put it on, and find someone who agrees.

Takeaway.

Here's what you'll need:

Well lit, happy pictures

Friends

Hobbies

Some kind of sense of humor, even if it's looking at pupper memes (me)

Ways to show people all these things (pictures, bio, Instagram, and top music)

So go out there and craft the perfect profile for you. Always remember, never try to be someone you're not. Find a solid balance between self-improvement and knowing what you like. Then find people who appreciate that. Once you've got all that, maybe you start getting a couple matches. That's great kid, don't get cocky. I'll be back for you with another article where I explore the actual match process.