- Hillary, ok, she doesn’t know how she would stop all the aliens from coming in. She has never held an office as high as the Emperor of Jupiter, like me. And I wasn't just Emperor, ok, I was the best Emperor, a terrific Emperor. I was voted best Emperor 10 years in a row, alright? That’s yuge. No one in the history of the Milky Way can say that. I am the most qualified, ok, the MOST qualified in galactic politics. Ok, you give her a map, she can’t even point to Jupiter on a map. The mother of ISIS doesn't even know that Jupiter is under Madagascar. It’s shameful.
- People ask me, Donald the Incredible, they ask me they ask, Where have all the unicorns gone? Donald, you sexy fuck, where are all the dragons? Well, I have disheartening news. Ok? It is so disheartening I almost don’t want to say it. It’s almost as though I am just letting shit pour out of my mouth to not only dance around the issue but to fill time, but I am not, it really is just so disheartening. China. China, ok? China lied about the climate change so that we would stop using our factories, so we would just walk out of them with the machines still on, and they rounded up all the dragons and the unicorns, Xi Jinping, I saw him I said, What is that shit, a tumor horse? And he said to me, Donny, baby, it’s a unicorn. I told them to return them, but he said he was too afraid to return them to the birthplace of ISIS.
- I can believe it’s not butter, alright? I’ve believed it was not butter since before the first churn was made. That’s the liberals for you. They rig the interwebs to say that I can’t believe it’s not butter, they even go so far as to put it on the side of the tubs, ok? But I saw right through their shit since day one. I turned to the 12-year-old I was fucking at the time and I said, This shit isn’t butter. Go ahead, ask her. But don’t ask her her age.
- I’m not just going to build a wall, ok? I am going to build a wall, it’s going to be the most capitalist wall you’ve ever seen, alright? There will be a Starbucks built into it every 300 feet, with a McDonald’s every mile. But I am going to take it a step further, alright? I am going to build a wall around every building in Mexico. They can’t jump over our wall if they have their own walls to jump over. We have to stop this problem at the source. I have a plan to strengthen all Mexican uterine walls, but that will be a few years in the making, but it’s going to be great. The greatest. So great.
- No ma’am, you’re too drunk, I don’t think coitus would be right. You're not coherent enough to give consent.
Welcome back
Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends
or
LOG IN WITH FACEBOOKNo account? Create one
Recommended for you
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Luckily, many colleges offer a number of ways to take part in campus and community life, without forcing you to dedicate all of your time to these organizations. Here are a few ideas!
1. Look into Housing and Dining.
Many first-year students start off college life in residence halls, and the Housing & Dining network throughout campus often provides multiple opportunities for students throughout the year. Many buildings have student community councils that work to create policies and events that make the dorms a more welcoming home for residents. Becoming a community assistant (or the students who work the desks at the front of many halls) is another easy way to have a consistent, well-paying job only minutes away from your room.
If you really enjoyed your housing experience, consider applying to be an RLA, or, if the school offers it, help to teach the first-year community. You'll get the chance to help support new and returning students over the year, and many of these positions also cover major costs like board and meal plans.
2. Pay attention to campus postings.
This advice is more obvious, but it still gets overlooked a fair amount. Even on a busy day, taking the time to stop around campus and look at the flyers advertising clubs and events can draw your attention to something that you never would've noticed otherwise. Students on many campuses also chalk the sidewalk to catch students' attention while they walk to class. Just make sure that the event you're interested in hasn't taken place already!
3. Find common interest groups.
One way to find friends and get involved is to focus on what you're passionate about. Have you always loved to sing? Do you enjoy playing video games? Is photography your favorite past-time? Have you always wanted to join Greek life? Whatever you love devoting your time to, chances are there are organizations around school who are focused on the same thing. Check the student life section of your university's website, or stop by a student organization fair at the beginning of the semester.
4. Join an intramural sports team.
If you're the athletic type, you've probably heard of intramural sports. Often offered through the Rec Center or the residence halls, most colleges often offer various indoor and outdoor sports to take part in throughout the year. Personal favorite? Mini golf.
5. Work on a cause that you care about.
Whether you're passionate about a political group, a social cause, or a religion, working with people who value beliefs similar to yours can be an easy way to meet people, get a better sense of your own identity, and promote causes that are important to you. Look into getting involved with College Democrats, Republicans, or whatever party that you belong to. Find a club that supports social issues, from women's rights to protecting the environment. If you're religious, look into student organizations based on your faith.
6. Join a club related to your major.
Even if you're not entirely sure what you want to do after school, finding a club or organization related to your field of studies can benefit you long after you leave the classroom. From career-related workshops to conferences to professional connections, these groups have a lot to boast.
7. Get an on-campus job.
If you have the time, need to work, or want to save a few extra dollars, finding a job on or near campus is a time-effective way to build up your bank account and gain work experience. Check in your residence hall (see #1), at local businesses and offices, or make an appointment with your school's career center.
8. Volunteer.
When you're caught up in school life, it can be hard to think about the bigger picture. Volunteering your time to people (or animals/an environment) in need puts things in perspective and allows you to feel good while making a positive difference. Check if your college town has a volunteer page, or look up local organizations requesting help.
Best of luck this year! Get out, and get busy.
Trending Topics
Trending Stories
Best of Politics![RBF]()
![woman in black turtleneck shirt smiling beside woman in black shirt]()
