Do you sometimes feel like life is a runaway train? Like everyone else is out there having a good time and reaching all their goals while you are just wasting your life? We all have automatic ways of behaving, reacting to things, thinking patterns, and habits we get into, purposely or not. Some of these good and some not so good for us. Have you stopped lately and looked at this in your life? It can really help your well-being and your success in life, if you take time to consider the ways you are thinking and behaving, and decide what is helpful and unhelpful, what needs to change and what you want to keep steady.

Most importantly, stop holding onto things or following paths that are making you unhappy, stressed or sad. Difficult emotions are part of life and are very useful. We need to feel every range of human emotion. However, behaving or thinking in ways that increase your distress too much and make life harder than it needs to be is not healthy and is in your control to change.

Here are 5 things you should check yourself on...

1) Comparing Yourself to Others

This is a tough one. There are more and more opportunities for you to wonder if you are in the right place at the right time when you compare yourself. You may see your peers achieving things in their life that you have long held as a dream, but never seem to get. Images and stories are fed to you through social media showing people making it, getting hold of their dreams, telling you that you just have to get out of bed, turn up and kick ass and the world, no the universe, will be yours...

The sad thing is that the idea of “making it” is usually measured by money, fame and popularity, and now by how many blog visitors, likes, and followers you have online. I was thinking the other day that instead of “likes” on social media, we need some other word. I haven’t worked out what yet, but maybe it is more about understanding each other and being on the same page, because having “likes” implies that there are those who are “unliked” - and popularity contests have never been my favorite thing.

I see success as more about engaging with each other and celebrating each other’s achievements. When you can look at a competitor and celebrate their achievements, you will be a far happier and more balanced human being, and will achieve your own success far more easily.

2) Staying Where You Are Unhappy

Whether this be in a relationship, a job, or some other situation, if you are unhappy either sort out the problem and make it better, accept it and change your attitude, or GET OUT. Making changes in your life is in your control and it is time to stop staying where you are miserable. Life is short, grab it with both hands.

If you are unable to change the situation, than change your attitude to your approach to the conditions of the situation.

If you break down the question of what you want to FEEL in life, you come to the real center of things. We are often driven by our emotions and our values, and every step you take is connected to these things in some way. If you are stuck in a job or a relationship you hate, or always striving for something you just can’t reach, some goal to achieve that seems too far away because it is really someone else’s goal, your well-being will suffer. We are creating our own destinies. Make choices that improve your life.

3) Rushing

Have you noticed lately that every time you ask someone how they are they say “oh so busy!” It is like we have fallen into some hamster wheel and we all think we need to pedal faster and faster and faster, or we will be seen as out of the race. Many of us are very busy and often running from one thing to another, or racing to meet deadlines. It is a challenge, yet when you stay mindful and realize one thing – there is always something more to do – then you can stop and stay focused on the tasks at hand, and leave the rest for another day.

Learn to prioritize your workload and focus on batching tasks, outsourcing what you can, breaking your time down into sections, and letting some of the less important things go. I am a classic multi-tasker and actually work better when I have more than one thing to do at the same time.

4) Making Vague Goals, Unrealistic Goals, or no Goals At All

Whether you formally set goals in your life or work, or simply know where you want to go in life, you need to clarify what values are underlying your goals.

Values are the directions you always stick to. If you value something, you will usually stay true to that your whole life. Values are important, but goals are what you want to achieve along the way.

Like picking the place you want to end up - your destination - values hold you steady, and remind you of the reasons you are on the road. The goals are like the river or mountain or valley you will aim to cross whilst traveling to your destination.

When it comes to setting goals, make sure you set a SMART goal. There are different versions of this acronym which you may have heard of:

In this case, SMART stands for:

S.. Specific M.. Meaningful A...Adaptive R... Realistic T... Timely

5) Forgetting to Care for Yourself

The most important part of being able to give to other human beings and have a life filled with success, is to care for yourself. You need to care for you, just as if you were a child who needs protection, nurturing and love.

This means taking time out to assess your current health, well-being and self care:

• Are you eating well?
• Regularly exercising?
• Spending time with loved ones?
• Following your hobbies and dreams?
• Practicing mindfulness and relaxation?
• Getting enough sleep?
• Participating in activities that give back to others? (this is key to flourishing in life).

Stopping to take time out to look at where you are with your life, the ways you are behaving and thinking, the roads you are choosing to travel, is so important! It is not a luxury and it is not selfish - it is necessary! Life is short. It is not always easy, but it can be magnificent and amazing and wonderful. Unless you tend to your garden though, it will wither and die.

Be sure to give it some love to yourself, and to those around you, and watch you and your life flourish.