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Politics and Activism

In Honor Of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, Here's 5 Things To Never Say To A Survivor

We are not victims, we are survivors.

Sydney Wright

Apr 02, 2021

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

135

poster reading "boys will be held accountable"

Photo by Michelle Ding on Unsplash

Content warning: This article contains mentions of sexual assault.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), which means it's time to recognize how we can better support survivors. After my assault, many well-intended friends said things that have caused more harm than help. If someone finds the courage to share their story with you---feel honored that they trust you. Instead of trying to advice or judge---listen. Consolidation and support are always welcome, but please refrain from saying these five things to someone who has experienced sexual assault.

1. Why didn't you fight back?

It's a known fact that when facing trauma, the brain initiates what's known as "the freeze response." This quite literally paralyzes someone in fear. Even if someone has the ability to fight back---it might not be safe to do so. I guarantee the survivor did everything they could to make it through the moment.

2. I know them. They would never do that.

Okay, so maybe this person has never caused harm to you. But it does not mean they are incapable of sexually assaulting someone else. Believe someone when they tell you they experienced sexual assault.

3. Why did you go there?

More than half of all assaults are committed by someone known to the survivor. Going to someone's house/apartment is not "asking for it." Hanging out with someone you perceive to be your friend is not an invitation to be groped. It is never the survivor's fault.

4. Boys will be boys.

No. Stop allowing boys and men to get away with criminal acts because "that's just how they behave." Do better.

5. But you said yes before.

Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Just because this person is a significant other and/or you've agreed to certain sexual acts before does not mean you are entitled to be used at any time. No means no. "I'm not sure" and "maybe" also do not equal yes. Consent is freely and clearly given.

Unfortunately, it's estimated that every 73 seconds someone is sexually assaulted in America. When someone shares their story with you, do not take this privilege lightly. It is not your place to judge. Don't assume fault. Just listen and say, "I'm here for you."

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, visit RAINN or contact 1-800-656-HOPE.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

In Honor Of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, Here's 5 Things To Never Say To A Survivor

We are not victims, we are survivors.

1. Why didn't you fight back?

2. I know them. They would never do that.

3. Why did you go there?

4. Boys will be boys.

5. But you said yes before.

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"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

28. I need a comfort dog so I can avoid all life and school responsibilities.

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

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'tis the season to be jolly!

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Phase One: The “I got this” phase

Phase Two: The “I have time” phase

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Phase Five: The rejoicing phase

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