The wallflowers, the shy ones, the mysterious ones--quiet people are everywhere and we’re also not. Maybe you’re a quiet person, maybe you’re only quiet sometimes, maybe you don’t know how to be quiet at all. What’s behind the phenomenon of quietness?

1. Our reason for being quiet doesn’t necessarily come from a hatred for humanity.

Those people who tell you they don’t like to interact with others because they think everything and everyone is dumb misrepresent the vast majority of quiet folk. Personally, it takes a lot for me to genuinely dislike someone, and there’s a significant difference between you getting on my nerves and you losing my respect. Quiet people may just be more careful with whom they choose to open up to, and making that decision takes time. Don’t take it personally if someone who is quiet doesn’t seem as reciprocal to your engagements—unless they’re giving you obvious negative body language or you’re asking them why they’re so quiet all the time, they probably don’t hate you.

2. Some of us are quiet because we're self-conscious.

I used to be very outgoing as a kid. I became more withdrawn when I realized my outgoingness wasn’t warm and friendly, it was just socially awkward and weird. Quiet people with similar experiences may always try to see themselves through the lens of those they communicate with and prepare their words and responses meticulously. They may clam up simply because they fear being negatively perceived in some way, even in adulthood. Social situations can be taxing because of these habits, but if we can figure out that you’re not judgmental, we’re likely to be more comfortable showing you who we really are.

3. We’re not always shy.

Quiet people can be timid and soft-spoken, and they can also be exhibitionists who just don’t like to talk a lot. Some quiet people have no issue going to clubs or introducing themselves to others, and they know how to charm. Even quiet people who aren’t as outgoing will find people they’re interested in, platonic or otherwise, and try to initiate the conversation even if it means going out of our comfort zones. If a quiet person approaches you enthusiastically, they're probably making a huge effort to do so.

4. We’re also not always introverted.

Shyness and introversion are often used as interchangeable descriptors for people. In reality, introversion pertains to where people get their energy. Extroverts are energized by social situations, while introverts are energized when they have some alone time. Quiet (and even shy) people can certainly feel their best when surrounded by others, even when they don’t like to do much of the talking. Humans are, after all, social creatures; introverted people themselves can’t live in total solitude.

5. There’s literally millions of us. We’re not all the same.

Some of us have profound ideas running through our minds on a daily basis. Some of us are just living life by minding our own business. Just like everyone else, we don’t like being misunderstood. Quiet people can be as emotionally fleeting as they can be grounded; we vary widely in our personalities, our interests, and how we like to express ourselves best. Just never assume we have nothing at all to say because we’re not talkative people...it just takes the right nudge to get it out of us sometimes.