When I was a small child, I was a pastor's kid. Even after my dad pursued his academic career, I was always part of a family that was active in the church, so it never made sense to me that when talking to my friends at school I would hear them say things like, "Well, I'm Christian, but I'm not much of a 'church person.'" What do they mean by that? What is a "church person?"

Going to a Christian college, it wasn't much better. It was clear that there were two distinct groups of people: those who fit the "God-mold" and those who did not. I guess I skirted the line between these two groups of people during my college experience. There were some interactions in which I felt like a "church person" and other times that made me feel like I should be "more Christian."

Therein lies the problem; the things that made me feel insufficient didn't actually make me any less of a Christian. I am a Christian, and that has nothing to do with whether or not I belong to a Christian subculture.

So here is my working list of some of these traits--things that do not make a person "more" of a Christian:

1. Saying grace

I recently got lunch with a new friend, and we had an interesting moment when we were about to start eating. He gestured at the food and said, "Do you pray?" I said, "Well, I do pray, but not always before meals." I know that he was simply asking if I pray before meals, but that got me thinking about other people I know who would be less than polite if they heard that I didn't pray before eating my chow mein.

Saying grace is an interesting tradition. At certain points it served the function of asking God to ensure that the food wouldn't poison the person eating it, but now it is seen as an exercise in thankfulness.

We say, "Bless this food and help it to nourish our bodies," but we understand that God isn't going to suddenly turn our bowl of easy mac into a fruit salad. Praying before a meal is actually a great way to remember to be thankful for what we have, but the important thing isn't being thankful at a specific time, but just being thankful.

2. Marriage

Anyone who has gone to a Christian college can attest to the high percentage of students who get married during their college years. It is part of the culture. People talk about it in chapel. People joke about it at freshman orientation. People put skits about marriage proposals in variety show acts (guilty).

Marriage can be a good thing. I don't think many people would disagree with that, but Christians' most favorite part of the Bible to ignore (after the command to give all you have to the poor) is the part of the Bible that says that it is better to be single.

It can be a great thing for two people to find each other and support one another fully, but we have to realize that to be a good Christian, one does not have to be married.

3. Having the "right views"

"I don't know how you could support that candidate as a Christian."
-Ignorant friends, regarding literally any candidate you could think of

Christians, often being nestled comfortably in their denominational bubbles, don't have to deal with disagreement about a lot of things. In fact, sometimes they outright forbid it and drive you from the church for your difference in opinion.

However, there is no specific political party or even a specific political stance that is universal within Christianity. What are you going to do? Tell that person that he or she is not a real Christian for having a particular political view? (Probably. History would say "yes.")

I have my own views, as you have yours. Faith may play a role in the formation of both our opinions, but I would suspect that our opinions probably don't match up. It's OK, though. We can both still be Christians.

4. Listening to Christian music

I grew up in evangelical Christianity, where for a long time, there was a fear of music that used drums or anything that needed to be plugged in (except an electric organ, of course). In more conservative circles, people would listen only to music that had Christian lyrics or no lyrics at all.

Now, this is not a rampage against the Christian music industry, as those of you who know me know that I can get down to some Amy Grant, but this is a call to expand our horizons on what it means for something to be "God-honoring." Or we could even just listen to good music. There are a lot of different styles of music out there, and you don't have to listen to the Gaither Vocal Band, Jesus Culture or Sovereign Grace Music to be a Christian. If this confuses you, go back and re-read number 3.

5. Having primarily Christian friends

If one goes to church regularly, he or she will probably end up building friendships at his or her church or parish. That is a good thing.

What is not a good thing is when the idea of surrounding yourself with a "cloud of witnesses" becomes a litmus test for the legitimacy of a friendship. It is OK to be friends with people from all walks of life.

Some of my dearest friends are atheist, agnostic or adherents to a different faith. My friendship with these people is more than a "witnessing tool." I would never refer to them as "unbelievers" or any other Christian dirty word. If they ask me about my faith, then that's great and I would love to talk to them, but my interactions with them are not for the purpose of trying to convert someone and add another notch to my "evangelism belt."

My friendships with non-Christians are simply friendships. I love them and we show each other support, make jokes and have good times. That's what I think God wants.

None of these things that I have listed are inherently bad. Letting your faith inform your views or listening to Christian music can be good things. The problem with the items on this list is that they are often associated with the cultural idea of what it means for someone to be a Christian.

We need to reach a place where we can honor one another whether or not they fit into our nice, tidy, safe Christian sub-culture.

"Thou shalt enjoy an iced caramel latte from your local Christian coffee shop."
-Jesus, never