Women of color come in seemingly infinite shades, textures, and sizes. We can change up our look in a snap and some of us even moonlight as ethnic chameleons. I don't usually brag, but women of color of pretty magical. Sun rays are like pixie dust to our melanin rich skin, our food will make your tastebuds dance, and our cultural dress game is on one billion. We're pretty interesting and cool, so I totally get why you might have some questions. However, some of these questions are super annoying. But don't worry I am here to clear up which questions are titanically vexatious, how to ask them without seeming inconsiderate, and to give you that extra bit of knowledge so that you can score an invite to some dhal puri, homemade pad thai, and all gloriously spiced goodies we delight in on the daily.

1. "How do you get so tan"

Um idk? How do you get so white? Like is it that new bleaching spray? Do you just like lay out in the moonlight every night? Do any of these questions make sense? No. No they do not. Now don't get me wrong, I work hard to retain my most shimmering shade of golden caramel by making sure to get my daily dose of vitamin D from the sun. However, I was born tan (I was actually born white like a crawler from the decent), but like I'm naturally tan and thats what matters. Most of the time this question is asked in admiration of our skin which I get, tan is in. So to avoid woman of color annoyance and side eye, I would suggest these approaches instead. "Your skin is so pretty, do you do anything to keep it so even and tan?", "I love tan skin and I'd like mine to look a little more glowy, what do you use", "We both have such beautiful skin naturally and every skin tone is gorgeous, but I have to say I think yours is stunning".

(Herizen Gaurdiola AKA Butterscotch Queen Mylene, achieving a perfect butterscotch hue)

2. "You are so exotic"

Look I know it sounds like a compliment and I know it's intended as one, but like it's actually kind of creepy. Snakes are exotic, a dictionary definition for exotic is literally "pertaining to striptease", and honestly I'm kind of only exotic to like you, my whole family looks like me so i personally think I look pretty normal. I know that to the U.S. we look pretty "exotic", but it's kind of awkward to be called that especially when so many people of color are being murdered for their "exotic" appearances. Arab, African, and many other women who wear hijab are persecuted for their "exotic" dress and skin tones. Due to things such as this being different, can make us feel self-conscious and in some situations unsafe. Instead of using the word exotic maybe try something like "interesting", "avant garde," "alluring," or just plain say that you've never seen someone that looked like the person before and that you think they're beautiful.

3. "I love (insert race) girls" said by a white guy on a date.....

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Fetish much? Like I really like that you like women of color, but please don't make us sound like we're just a cool fetish for you. There's nothing wrong with a fetish, but it's just not cool to be grouped in with feet and fur. Also if you really like women of color, much like our good friend "Kevin Gnapoor" we like you too don't feel discouraged. Just please don't approach with how much you like the color of our skin, approach with what you like about us as a person. The focus shouldn't be our ethnicity, it should be us and when you let on that you have a thing for women of color tell us why so we don't think we're just a fetish. Instead of "I love Chinese girls" try "I think Chinese women are beautiful and I love the richness of your culture". Instead of "I like my women chocolatey" try "dark skinned women go through so much for their color and I just want you to know that I think your skin is beautiful" etc.

4. "Is that your real hair?", "How do you curl your hair?", "Is your hair weaved?"

Stop. Stop. Stop. First things first, not every African American woman wears a weave and to ask that question is generalizing that AA women all wear weaves. Second, the stigma behind AA women and weaves is super demeaning, many people feel that they cannot grow their own hair, do not have any hair, or that their natural hair is ugly. Also, not all hair is naturally straight, I just need some people to understand this. Curly hair grows out of the head curly and these natural curls are beautiful. "Weaved" hair is not a thing. Stop asking people if they got their extensions from "Roshni" or whatever one of the limited supply of female Indian names you pull out of your purse that is not cute. Hair can be a delicate subject for women of color, the foreign textures of our hair have been demeaned and scrutinized for so long that we often end up a little defensive of it. If you like it, just simply compliment it and if you have something ignorant to say just hold it inside and put it in the sin bin.

(Paula Abdul, Jewish queen of the 80's and all things American Idol)

5. "No you can't be (insert actual ethnicity).You don't look (insert race here)"

Really? Yeah, you didn't look annoying until you said that either, but I guess we're both having some eyesight problems. Don't ask people where they are from if you're just going to argue with them about it when they tell you. No one cares if you think they look Lebanese, Japanese, Jewish, or Martian unless that person laughs and tells you they were joking then you need to take that moment as an opportunity to learn that the 2 people you've met from Saudi Arabia are not the only representation of what Saudi people look like and that's the way it tends to go around the globe. Here are some better approaches to avoid pissing women of color off. "Wow! You're from Spain, I was going to guess Panama. Either way, I think your look is so nice", "You're Jamaican, I guess the videos of Jamaica really don't represent their people to the fullest. Now that I've met you I'm better informed on how diverse your country is"

All jokes and sassy comments aside, it is extremely important to learn to talk to people you do not understand in a way that is not offensive or inconsiderate to them. Sometimes it's difficult to know what is and is not offensive and I understand that, so I hope these five little explanations will help you spread your cultural wings and learn a little something new. Go on, go try some kimchi with Kim Chi, dance at carnival with Gina Anne, and get a blow out with Vanessa. We may be a little different than you, but we're pretty cool so don't be shy next time you pass through the "ethnic" part of town.