Going to Haiti was an unplanned, whirlwind of a trip that will probably take me months to process. I didn't have time to worry, to prepare my emotions, or to even inform all of my family that I was leaving the country. It feels like a dream. However, there are things I learned when I went to Haiti that I would really like to share with you all.
1. Pray...and be expectant.
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I had recently been praying for Haiti because I felt a burden in my heart for the people as the news of the impending hurricane loomed over their nation. I read articles that made the bleakness of the situation abundantly clear - shelter was scarce, the hurricane was strong, and people would die. The fact that people had to mentally prepare for the realistic possibility of death was a slap in the face for me. How would it feel to look down at your child and know that when those winds hit, you may not be able to protect them? So I prayed. I prayed hard and I prayed often, pleading for lives to be spared. To my great relief, many lives were...but many were not.
I had also been praying about an opportunity for missions. I felt a desire to meet new people, to love them the way Jesus does, and to be stretched out of my comfort zone. In my head, God was going to open doors to provide a missions opportunity in the summer. However, Isaac's sister called me and as soon as she said, "Megan, I'm placing a call on your life," my heart began to pound. When she said we would be going to Haiti, I knew God had answered my prayers...in a way I NEVER would have imagined.
He is listening and He answers. So don't pray half-heartedly, be expectant. Because God is always ready to shake up your ordinary and make it extraordinary.
2. We can find joy in the midst of the sorrow.
I was not surprised by the angry shouts and waving arms that bombarded us as we drove through Haiti; these people are starving and we were rich Americans driving straight through their village, offering them nothing. I was, however, surprised by the smiles and waves we got from mothers sitting on their mud covered doorsteps. We would smile and wave at the children, of course, but when the faces of those mothers lit up just as much as the small child's next to them, I wanted to jump out of the car and wrap my arms around them.
I felt so conflicted whether to smile at them or cry, but those mothers gave me a reason to smile. They held no hate in their hearts for us, for their situation, or even for their great loss. They simply smiled, and embraced the joy of that moment. I wish I could talk to those women, to learn from them. They know true joy, joy that is found even when your family is sleeping in the dirt and you have no idea when you will have another roof over your head. They are beautiful souls that remind me to be thankful, to be joyful, to be ready to smile at anyone who looks my way.
3. Being an American is a blessing.
I'm not saying this because I look down on Haitians or any other country. Please, don't skew my purpose for this point. I am saying that American problems are often petty problems that can be solved easily.
We complain about the election, about our leaders, about people around us. We complain about having to work, about having homework, about having to clean our room. We complain and complain, but being an American is such a blessing.
We have a democracy; we get to choose who leads our country. We have checks and balances in that democracy to keep the people of our nation safe from tyranny. We have jobs to provide for our families. We have education to help us advance ourselves in this world. We have our own room to clean.
Our blessing is being Americans, being people who have been given more than they need so they can bless others. I don't care if you are religious or not, you cannot deny the fact that we have a responsibility to aid those in need because we have been blessed so abundantly. I don't know why I was born in America, but don't intend to waste that blessing by ignoring those who need something I am able to provide.
4. Words affect people more than we even realize.
I realized that much of my time in Haiti was spent in fear. As I reflected on why I felt that way, I realized that I had been greatly influenced by the words of others.
I am a small blonde girl. Notice I didn't call myself a woman. Why? Because no one refers to me as one. Everyone in my life has treated me differently because of my size. In elementary school, older girls would argue over who got to carry me on their back during recess. In high school, I was warned to be very cautious of men because I was vulnerable and small. As people found out I was going to Haiti, they told me they were scared for me and that I should be careful.
I'm not angry or frustrated with anyone for saying those things because I know they said them out of love, but I realized that every time I heard those words it sent a shiver of fear through my heart. I agreed to the trip feeling confident and ready, but as I got on the plane, I could only think about the danger I was placing myself in.
The reality is, I am the one to blame for allowing the words of people to affect my trust in God. They told me to be careful, so I assumed I had to look out for myself instead of believing in the One who was calling me to Haiti. But He promises that no one can snatch me out of His hand, and is teaching me daily that His Words are the only ones that truly matter.
5. Sometimes, I am just inadequate.
This was the biggest lesson that I had to learn and I'm still trying to understand why I had to go all the way to Haiti to learn it.
When I could not communicate with others, I felt inadequate. When I didn't step out of my comfort zone to act silly with the children around me, I felt inadequate. When I was only able to spend 15 minutes at a school and was unable to make the kids smile, I felt inadequate. When I sat in the back of the room during the IFOSuD celebration, I felt inadequate. And when I held Kate's purse as she helped the men unload a truck full of 55 lb. bags of rice, I really felt inadequate.
Yep, there's Kate, being the totally awesome woman she is...and me. Holding her purse.
As I stood there watching them carry those bags of rice I was so frustrated. I didn't understand why God put me in this situation...why on earth did He call me to Haiti?
To this day, I cannot tell you if I made a difference in Haiti on that trip, but as of now, I think that is okay. I think learning how inadequate I am showed me how powerful God is. If I am as inadequate as I felt, then anything I am able to do has to be a work of God. And I think that I am truly that inadequate..in a good way.
It feels kind of nice to know that I am completely worthless without my God. That for some crazy reason, He chooses to use me even though He has to do all the heavy lifting. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being simply being available, with simply being an earthly vessel for Him to use. Thanks to my experience in Haiti, I am now in a place where I wait upon the Lord to move, because without Him, I can truly and honestly do nothing.
Pictures taken by Olivia Erickson.
