I never claimed to be an expert on love, and even after two years of being in a relationship I most certainlydon't claim to be one now. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Every person has a different story to tell, and each relationship is as unique as the people in them. Here are a few things I learned over the past two years:
1. Having someone to set goals with is pretty awesome.
As kids we talk about getting a house with our best friends where we can have 80 of our favorite animals everyday and eat ice cream for dinner. As we get older we start to see how complicated and expensive life can get. Our dreams grow apart from our friends' and they become our own. We all come into a relationship with hopes and dreams of our own, but over time some may find that their dreams might not change but their list of goals will probably grow. Having someone to talk to about cohabitation and eventually buying a house together is very exciting, especially when it is more realistic. I certainly still have goals for myself, but it's so much better tohave someone to hold hands with as I reach them.
2. Love is worth fighting for.
Whether it is a pass time, career, or person, what you love is worth fighting for. My boyfriend and I didn't have the easiest time getting support from the people around us, so everything felt like a constant battle. There were several times when we asked ourselves and each other if it was worth all this effort. In the end, we both decided that our relationship meant too much to us to just let it all go. Sure, our lives might have been easier if we had moved on, but they certainly would not have been better. The last two years have taught me that no matter how hard things get it is always better together.
3. Relationships are not a game.
You are partners and teammates, not opponents. We live in a culture that constantly shows us our partner is something to be monitored, manipulated, and controlled. We must always be on guard for when they cheat, lie, ignore us, etc. I absolutely hate this. Not only does it teach people that their partner is untrustworthy before they have even done anything, but it also teaches people that they must disrespect their partner's privacy and personal space. I learned quickly that a successful relationship does not involve monitoring, manipulation, or control. I have never once read my boyfriend's texts to other people or Facebook messages that he hasn't shown me himself, and I don't plan to. I always ask before I use his computer and he respects that as well. If there is something that I want him to tell me, I will just ask. I haven't always done the right thing, but I am always honest about what I do. And I can expect the same from him.
4. If something bothers you, talk about it.
This was definitely something I struggled with when we first met. I would tell him there was something I wanted to talk about and then sit there for 15 minutes saying, "I don't know how to say this." Opening up about our feelings is not easy, but it is essential to our well-beings and the longevity of the relationship. If they are on their phone too much, tell them in a polite way that it bothers you. If they use a phrase or word you find offensive, tell them why it bothers you so they can explain their side of the story. If you let something bother you for months eventually it is going to come out at a very poor time and in a very aggressive way. It will feel good in the moment to get it off your chest but it may cause long term conflict if it isn't resolved peacefully.
All that being said, there is plenty more I learned from my boyfriend. It's the most unexpected and wonderful relationship I could have imagined. If you couldn't tell, I absolutely adore him and hope to for many more years.