During periods of transition, it can be very hard to keep a clear head about certain situations. Maybe you've watched too many episodes of The Officeto try avoid doing your school work, or maybe the person you like just is not into you. It's easy to let your fears cloud your thoughts especially when no one is there to dispel those fears. In the 18 years I've had on this planet of anxiety and stress, I've learned a few things about dealing with people and change.
1. It's okay to give yourself time.
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So many things in life are very fast paced (especially if you live in New York) and we barely give ourselves time to breathe. Nobody wants to endure pain for any longer than they have to but sometimes it is completely necessary. Time and pain as a pair can be very refreshing for a person. There's no time span for how long you can miss or grieve over someone. Don't sweat it if it takes you a little longer than a month to get over someone you liked for a week, or even if it takes you an extra year or so to finish college; you're on your own schedule. It doesn't make your effort any less meaningful just because it took you a little longer than someone else. As my girl T-Swizzle once said, "Time can heal most anything."
2. You cannot invest your happiness in other people.
Another person's feelings toward you does not define who you are. People are very temporary, and they might make you feel good in the moment but they are not the answer to your problems. It is very easy to look past a person's flaws and make excuses for them, which makes it very easy to forget about yourself. Some wise words from Cristina Yang: 'He is very dreamy but he is not the sun. You are.' Don't overthink your relationships and friendships; be optimistic and hopeful, but understand that when it's time to let go you have to let go.
3. You cannot escape change.
Change will be the only constant thing throughout your life. It is inevitable and it's better to accept that sooner than later. Change is hard to accept sometimes, but think about it: would you be happy in 10 years if your life had remained exactly the same as it is right now? If nothing ever changed, you wouldn't be where you are today. You wouldn't have met your best friend if things never changed for you. A good friend once told me to make change my ally, not my enemy, and she was completely right. There is a lot of beauty in the unknown once you learn to look past the fear of it.
4. Never put yourself second.
Once you put other people before yourself you've taught them that it is okay to put you second. Don't put your energy into relationships that lack mutual respect. Self esteem is a real issue; you can't validate your worth through someone else's opinion of you. The moment you fall into that trap you give another person a power over you that only you should have. Go on dates with yourself, treat yourself to some new clothing, do things to remind yourself how important you are.
5. If a door does not open for you, it is not your door.
Everyone knows that when one door closes another door opens. However, it is not always clear to us which door is ours to open. Not every opportunity you get is going to be the one you've been waiting for, and it may take 5 minutes or 5 weeks to realize, but you have to accept that some things in life are simply not meant for you. Maybe it's better that things didn't work out with that guy you saw a movie with last week. Maybe you would have ended up miserable working at that job you got fired from. Things will always work themselves out even if it happens in an unexpected way.
So take a nice bubble bath and eat a chocolate bar, you'll get your shit together.
