When you’re trying to pull yourself out from between a rock and a hard place, it’s easy to lose sight of what you’ve achieved up until that point after a bad day. These are some things that everyone in my support system has reminded me of time and time again — things that I tell to other people when they’re struggling, even though it can be difficult to remember them myself.
1. It’s OK to mess up, and that doesn’t invalidate your progress.
Recovery is anything but linear. It’s full of ups and downs, weeks full of tiny successes and huge victories followed by days of slip-ups and senses of failure. While it’s easy to get overwhelmed by these days and feel like your slips mean that all your hard work was for nothing, it’s important to remember that it’s all part of the process. You’re going to have better and worse times, and if you suddenly find yourself struggling more than before, that doesn’t mean that you’re a failure at recovery or that everything you’ve achieved has gone to waste. It means that you’re trying your best. What you have to do now is accept that you’re struggling, be honest about it, and figure out how to move forward from there. Which brings us to No. 2.
2. The bad days are sometimes more important than the good days.
Contrary to instinct, these slips aren't signs of failure; they’re clear signs that you’re making progress. Whatever you’re fighting knows that it’s losing its grip, and as soon as you’re in a vulnerable state, it’ll pounce on you and try to lead you back into old habits, stuffing your head with all the thoughts you’ve been trying so hard to block out and rearrange. It’s easy to fight urges and bad thoughts when you’re having a good day — you can just go, “That’s nice, but no,” and there’s the end of it. On a bad day, however, it’ll be infinitely harder to convince yourself that everything screaming in your head is misleading and just wants you to go back to old coping mechanisms. It’s so much easier to give in and believe that everyone else is lying to you and that your urges and disordered thoughts are the ones who are right. Fighting this is a constant uphill battle, but managing to get through a day like that is, in my opinion, one of the greatest victories in recovery.
3. Accept change.
There’s always going to be some sort of change that occurs as you continue down the path to recovery, be it physical, emotional, in your social or academic life, likes and dislikes, hobbies, or anything else. Although this is again something easier to accept on a good day, you have to remember that there’s no point in trying to go against these changes. In recovery, these things are coming from a good place, although it may not seem like it now, they’ll be things that you’ll eventually grow to love and be thankful for. There’s no set time frame on how long this will take, but when it eventually comes, you’ll realize that all these changes were not only necessary, but helped you to more fully understand yourself and those around you. Of course, some of these changes are going to feel absolutely awful — cue No. 4.
4. Not everyone is going to stick with you through the tough times, but those that do will stick around no matter what, and you’ll also meet others who share your struggles.
People come and people go. It’s a fact of life. Some people that you trusted with your struggles are going to leave. Sometimes it’s because, unfortunately, they didn’t really care, other times, because you grew apart and there was really nothing you could do about it. There will be people who understand what you’re going through, and there will be those who think it’s ridiculous and makes no sense, and that you’re just making it all up. That’s how life works. What I’ve learned is that these difficult times truly help you realize who in your life is really, truly there for you. These can be the people who have stuck around since day one, who jumped in to help at an unexpected time, someone with whom you had lost touch and have now reconnected with. Additionally, you’ll find people who are going through the same exact thing as you are, who know exactly what that feeling you can’t describe is, or why you’re panicking over something an average person wouldn’t think twice about. I’ve met so many incredible people who share in my struggles, and I’m proud of each and every one of them, and so grateful to have them in my life.
5. These things take time.
As much as we want recovery to be something that happens instantly with a snap of your fingers, that’s just not what it is. In order to get better, you have to accept that it’s a long, exhausting process full of hard times, which requires more effort than you could have ever expected. I’m no where near being done with it yet. But everyone who has made it through is telling me the same thing, and although I'm not quite there yet, I think that a tiny part of me is starting to believe what they’re saying — when you do beat it, after all the tears and pain and fear, it is so worth it.
