Everyone who knows me knows how much I do not want my own children. I never did. I was never the girl who drew pictures of future wedding dress, future husband, or future children. Even baby dolls terrified me as kid. My childhood was filled with books and animals and was perfectly doll-less. Even as a child I knew that I did not want to have kids. I cannot remember a time in my life when I thought differently. As I grew older, I began to figure out why I never wanted to have children. I have many reasons: Children will not give me a fulfilling life, I am not a motherly person, I truly believe that our world is dangerously overpopulated, etc. I could go on and list more reasons, but my reasons are not important. It’s only important to understand that, for me, procreation is not a part of my life story. Though I am very confident in my own life decisions, I will meet people who think that they know me better than I know myself. Whenever I tell these sort of people about not wanting kids, I will get interesting remarks including “You’ll change your mind!”, “But you’ll end up alone!”, or even “So you plan on being a crazy cat lady?” There is nothing wrong with being a crazy cat lady and it is amazing how much people are judged for making their own life decisions. I know that I am not the only person who does not want children and I also know that I am not the only person who gets judged for making that decision. There is no reason for people to shame other people about life decisions that have nothing to do with them. Here is a short list of things that people who do not want kids need to hear.

1. You are not selfish

No matter what your reason for not wanting kids is, your choice does not make you selfish. Children are a big responsibility. When someone has a child, they create another human being that will affect the rest of the world. It also takes a lot of time and money. Time and money that will affect the upbringing of that person. If you feel like you are do not have the time, money, patience, emotional capacity or any other quality that prevents you from wanting kids, then you are not selfish. You are aware of yourself, your own needs, and your own abilities. A lot of the time, people will actually have kids for very selfish reasons. Some have them so that they have someone to care for them when they are older, or to pass down their DNA, or see children as a financial investment.

2. You can have a fulfilling life without having kids

So many people make having kids a major milestone. It can be for some people, but for others, it is not. Our society make reproduction such a major part of people’s lives that some people think that that is the only way to have a fulfilling life. But in reality, every person has a different idea of what fulfillment means. If children are not a part of your life plan, you can fulfill your life in other ways. Maybe you want to travel, earn degrees, or advance your career. You can have a great life without having kids.

3. You can be loving and nurturing

You do not need kids (or to be a motherly person) to show deep love be nurturing. You can love, protect, and take care of yourself, your friends, and the family that you already have. Nurturing is not just a motherly or fatherly thing. You can nurture yourself by looking after your mental health, making sure that you study for a test, or reminding yourself to eat. Maybe it gives you more joy being the “mom” of your friend-group or baking cookies for your roommates than caring for a small human. Perhaps you do prefer to take care of cats than to take care of children. There is nothing wrong with taking care of the people who already exist.

4. You are not heartless

One of the big misconceptions about people who do not want children is that they only care about themselves and that they have no soul. This is far from true. Just as how childbearing is not the highlight of being alive, it also does not define who a person is. Almost anyone can give birth or father a child, but this ability does not characterize people. You can be kind, loving, aware, and intelligent without having kids. Not wanting kids does not make you a terrible, unloving person. It just means that you place your heart and priorities elsewhere. You can express love to family, friends, animals, and yourself.

5. You can be loved

One of the things that I hear the most about child-less people is that they will never find love. It is assumed that every intimate relationship must lead to marriage and children. But there are plenty of people who want an intimate relationship but do not want kids. There is much more to a relationship than just marriage and procreating. Two people can simply enjoy each other’s company without having to worry about offspring. Not every couple choses to reproduce. And even if you do not wish to be in a romantic relationship, there are other ways of expressing and experiencing love. Reserving love to just romantic partnerships and children makes the world cold for the other people you may care about. Love can be found in friends and animals, too. No matter what life choices you chose for yourself, it is important to remember that everyone can be loved.